Yours - A Nick and Charlie Story

Chapter 4: Nick

I had a headache for the rest of the day, but that's what I get for leaning back in my chair. I don't know what was worse, hitting my head, or trying to play it off. I know Charlie isn't going to let this one go anytime soon, but he was returning a favor. When I accidentally pushed him into the locker though, there was another one of those moments like in his room. I became very, very aware of every part of myself that was touching him. It wasn't weird though, it felt natural, like that's how it's supposed to be. It can't be though, right? I'm not really sure what I've been feeling lately. I've always loved Charlie, but recently, these moments, it's felt like more. But he likes Ben, and I want him to be happy. He's been so worried, and I don't need to cause him any more worries if I can help it. I get a text from him when I get home.

Charlie: How is your head feeling?

Me: Still have a headache, but that's to be expected.

Charlie: Maybe if you hadn't been a show off...

Me: Okay wow. I am in pain and this is the treatment I get. *tragic music*

Charlie: Well I hope you start to feel better, I'll see you in the morning <3 xx

A heart. My own heart stops for a second but quickly starts again. Ugh, I have to get rid of these feelings. Charlie likes Ben. I want Charlie to be happy, that's what's important. If Ben makes him happy, then, I guess I'll have to be happy too.

It's the day before the date, and I have truly never seen Charlie this stressed. I mean literally talking through every situation that could happen, I finally interject.

"Charlie, will you just listen to yourself for a second?" I say grabbing his shoulders, "Ben has not given you a single reason to think that he doesn't like you right?"

"I mean, no." He says.

"Then I need you to believe that you are going to be fine, and that you deserve some happiness, okay?" I say.

"Okay, then will you at least help me find something to wear?" He walks over to his closet.

Next thing I know, converse are flying all across the room. He must have about 50 pairs, or something in that range. I pick up his green converse, and go over and grab his white hoodie.

"How about this?" I motion the shoes and sweatshirt in his direction.

"Perfect!" He says.

He takes them off my hands and sets them down on his chair. He probably doesn't even remember this, but it was the first thing he ever wore over to my house. Not that it matters, the colors just look nice together. I really hope this date goes well. I truly do.

"Hey, if anything goes wrong tomorrow, call okay?" I say, trying not to be too overbearing.

"Of course! I don't think it will be necessary, but I'll definitely call you and tell you how it went!" Charlie says, smiling at me.

"Where are you guys going again?"

"Some cafe on the other side of town. Ben says it's really good though!"

"Well be safe." I say.

"I will. Hey, is everything okay, you seem a little bummed about something?" He says, walking closer to me.

Damn it. I didn't want him to worry about me.

"Just have a lot of studying to do, that's all." I say trying to cover my tracks.

"Well, I can help Sunday!"

"That would be great," I say.

I debate going in for a hug. Not that me and Charlie have never hugged before, it's just that, if I hug him, I know I'll never want to let go.

I head home and I am greeted by Nellie, my dog. Nellie is my real best friend, (don't tell Charlie), but in all seriousness she is the one who listens the most.

"Nick your home earlier than usual, is everything okay?" My mom asks as I walk through the door.

"Yeah everything is fine, just tired that's all." I head up to my room.

Was I tired? No. Confused? Yes. I keep telling myself that I am happy for Charlie, that he is finally finding someone for him, but there is something in me that just can't let myself fully support it. I've always been overprotective of him. The bullying he went through was awful, and I have seen the highs and lows. What the fuck is this feeling? I grab my computer.

Search:

It stays on the search screen for 10 minutes before I can even begin to type

Search: Am I

I feel my heart beating out of my chest. This could change things, and not for the better.

Search: Am I gay?

Enter.