A Court of Shadows and Lies / ACOTAR FF

Chapter 40

I was throwing myself through the shrubbery and plants, nearly tripping over roots and branches, with Azriel clambering behind me. The familiar thumps were getting louder and the scream from earlier was only getting more frantic, with Elain's voice shouting for anyone.

My heart felt like it had moved from my chest to my throat and ears, duplicating, and quadrupling in size. If that horrible thing, whatever the fuck it was, was here, Gods, I wouldn't know what to do. It didn't just seem to haunt me but all my sisters, wherever we were in lucid dreams, it seemed to follow. The moment any of us were getting closer, it appeared. It was there, ready.

I had no idea what it wanted in my dreams but it seemed to get uglier and bigger.

The whole situation had sobered me up quite quickly.

"Jez!" Azriel yelled while I continued to power on. No male, not even Azriel, was going to stop me reaching the source of the screams. I needed to ease my mind, hope that it wasn't the abomination in my dreams, and that it was just a roach or a stupid fly. Yet, the Shadowsinger didn't seem to understand as he grabbed my wrist, jolting me back and keeping me in place. I swirled around, my wet hair whipping my face. "Jez, you don't know what's there. You don't have-"

"I am very well aware I don't have magic," I hissed at Azriel, pulling my wrist out of his grasp. "I am well aware I don't have wings, I don't have my magic, and that I'm stuck with this Gods forsaken necklace!" I wrapped my hand around the purple crystal that was now glowing faintly, before realising I wasn't wearing my pin on the now wrinkled dress.

I hadn't worn my pin in a while.

My face felt hot, and I knew it was red. I dropped the necklace.

"Do you know what it is?" Azriel asked me quietly. I shrugged, hiding the shiver that ran through my body.

"I've heard those thumps before, in my dreams. I need to make sure it's not what I saw," I told him, my chest rising and falling heavily. Scanning his face, all I saw were his shadows taut around him and to attention. Sighing, I turned and looked at the gap just ahead that led to the clearing we were in earlier. "I have to."

Azriel didn't say a word despite the screams in the background followed by Cassian yelling, "what the actual fuck is that?"

The floor shook with a pattern, as if something large was jumping or walking rapidly, its movements chaotic and unsure. The trees around me shook dangerously, despite their age and strength. My gut was screeching at me, telling me that I was right, that walking out into that clearing would mean leaving myself open for the taking.

Would it be so bad if that were to happen?

"Remember my promise, Jez," Azriel said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "I'll protect you until my last breath."

I turned to look at him, my heart briefly skipping a beat. Gods, he knew how to pull my heart strings and leave me unsure about where we stood. Yet, right now, I couldn't accept that, especially after Vel. I didn't want that from him, I didn't want him giving up his life because I was there. He had a whole future ahead of him and a whole unwritten story that was yet to be written and changed. I had lived a life, fulfilled by it. My own beating heart had felt everything it needed to. Azriel hadn't. "I don't want that. I don't want you to keep that promise, Az."

"I said my word is as good as a bargain-"

"Your word is only good if you're alive," I told him sternly, furrowing my brows. "I let Vel do that, I'm not going to let you make the same mistake."

A mistake. I had said it. The bargain was a mistake, a fallacy that should never have happened. I had accepted because of my love for him, the belief that he had loved me enough to give up his whole body and soul for me. Today, I didn't see that. I didn't see a proclamation of love or a promise. I only saw a male who was too weak, too scared, to tell me that he still wanted me around.