summer child // joshler

48

tyler's point of view

we're studying for our finals at josh's house. he's got his laptop open, typing away at an essay.

"what is the paper even supposed to be about?" i set my pencil down, looking over to him and away from the history notes i've been working on.

"frankenstein," he answers. "i think i'm finally done with it actually."

"i'm sure its perfect." i watch as he downloads the file and submits it. "what's next?"

"a break." he stands up and then holds his hand out to help me up too.

i follow him to the living room and when i sit next to him on the couch, he pats his lap instead. i move to sit there, my legs on either side of his. i bring my hands up to rest on his shoulders and he's staring at me. he's looking at me with love and adoration, like i paint the sunset every night.

"what is it?" i ask, suddenly feeling a bit nervous under his gaze. it's interesting that he still makes me feel that way, even after knowing him for so long. i hope it never goes away.

"i am so in love with you, tyler joseph."

"yeah? you're not sick of me yet?" i tease, a small smile and pink blush on my face.

"nope." he shakes his head. "i'm almost certain that will never happen."

"what percent certain exactly?" i pry, leaning forward so our faces are barely an inch apart.

he closes the distance and kisses me once. then he brings his hands to cup my cheeks after, his eyes meeting mine again. "maybe like, seventy-five percent."

i scoff and slap his shoulder playfully, "shut up! you hate me."

"i'm just messing with you, tyler." he smiles back at me. his tone is playful but his eyes are soft. it's quiet for a moment before he speaks again. "i think i'm gonna marry you someday."

"you think so? what percent certain are you with that one?"

"i can't answer for you, but i'm one hundred percent certain i won't stop trying until you ask me to."

-

laying in josh's bed later that night, i remember something.

"hey, j?"

"yeah?" he tilts his head to look down at me where my head rests on his chest.

"there's an end-of-year party in a few days. would you maybe wanna come with me?" i ask, a bit scared for his answer. we don't exactly have a great track record with parties.

"as your friend, or..?" he answers with another question, sounding hesitant.

"as my boyfriend."

"that's a pretty big step, ty. are you sure you wanna do that?" he sits up a little more and i do the same.

"i mean, it's not like i have to go around telling everyone. i can just... be there with you. right?"

"yeah, of course. that's all up to you. i'm already out for the most part anyway. this is yours. you get to decide."

"i want you to come with me," i affirm. he's right, this is a big step, but i think it's one i'm ready for.

"how sure are you?" he repeats my joke from earlier, his smile growing. i can tell this means a lot to him, that he's excited and proud of me, regardless of how calm he's being.

"one hundred percent, baby."

-

josh and i do our best to avoid everyone at the party. i've never been a huge party person but i hate being left out. i always worry someone will talk about me or that the team will give me shit for not showing.

we stay in the kitchen this time though. i'm sitting up on the counter and josh stands next to me. no one really talks to us, which is nice. we drink (to be more accurate, i drink while josh periodically takes tiny sips of one cup that he only filled halfway) and talk, minding our business.

at one point, i hop off the counter to grab one of the bottles of alcohol that's still unopened. i open it and take a swig right from the bottle before setting it down on the counter. josh watches with an amused glint in his eyes. i decide that right then, right there, if i don't kiss him, i'll probably explode.

i bring my hands to his face and pull him down so my lips can meet his. we kiss for a few seconds before i pull away, my heart racing. i kissed him. at a party. in plain sight.

and the world didnt end. no one said anything.

i smile wide and grab the bottle again, taking his hand in my free one. "let's go."

"yeah?" he asks, already fishing his keys out of his pocket with the hand im not holding.

"mhm. wanna go," i reply, "but i'm taking this with us. wanna get you drunk at home so you don't have to worry about driving."

"oh boy."

when he pulls into the driveway, we walk to the space between our houses. he goes to open the window but i hesitate.

"what's the matter? did you want to use the door? i think my mom's asleep is all," he looks at me, obviously worried something's wrong.

"nope. i jus' wanna sit out here for a little while," i say, already making myself comfortable on the grass.

"alright then." he takes a seat next to me, the concern melting off his face.

"here." i hand him the bottle. "drink."

"do i have to?" he takes it from me but scrunches his nose up.

"yep."

he unscrews the cap and takes a drink, coughing immediately after with a disgusted expression. "how the fuck do you drink this?"

i laugh and take it back from him, taking a drink and passing it back again. "every time we win a game, we would go back to blake's and drink until we pass out or throw up. it was like a competition almost, whoever got out first lost. they're all so competitive."

"you're competitive too."

"i know but... i'm so different from them. i mean, i hope i am at least." i feel my mood fall just a bit. i'm too drunk to fully process it, just sober enough to notice it.

"you are. i didn't mean it like that, i'm sorry." he takes another drink, a bigger one this time. he sets the bottle aside after and then looks at me, his face illuminated by the moon.

he's beautiful.

i look down and pick a clover from the ground and hand it to him with a sheepish smile. "here."

he giggles a little but takes it anyway. "thank you, tyler. i love it." he puts it in the pocket of his jacket and then lays back on the ground, looking up at the sky.

"i love you." i lay down next to him, my head turned towards him.

he turns to look back at me with a smile. "i love you."

"i love everything about you." i sit up again only to move so i'm laying on him, my hands on the grass holding me up so our faces are still a few inches apart. "i love your cheeks. i love your nose. i love your eyes and how they crinkle up when you laugh. i love your hair and your brain and your voice. i love every single part of you. i love that you're smarter than me, that you're more kind. you're so much better than me in every way and i'll never deserve you. i'm just too selfish to let you go."

"i don't think you could make me go if you tried," he whispers.

i lean down and kiss him, the feeling of his lips on mine filling every empty space within me. i feel complete.

every insecurity or doubt is filled with his skin, his hair, his mouth, his smell.

all of him.

"hey, j?"

"yeah?"

"i don't think i'm scared anymore."

"of what?"

"anything."

(an: and then they had sex in the clovers and grass between their houses ✨)