summer child // joshler

4

tyler's point of view

"thanks again for dinner, miss laura. i'll see you later, josh."

"no problem at all, sweetheart. tell your mom i'm thinking of her. you two are welcome anytime," she smiles at me and i nod once before walking out their door.

i walk across the yard and stand in front of my own front door. i can vaguely hear my parents arguing inside.

i take a breath and brace myself, stepping inside with my bottom lip between my teeth.

"i hate you for this. i can't believe this is how it's ending," my mother cries, exasperated.

"kelly, please, for the love of god, shut up," my dad sighs, slamming a drawer closed. i hear his footsteps come heavy down the hall. i wanted to go to my room before he saw me, but i freeze and it's too late now and he's already speaking. "tyler, hi. please, tell your mother to stop talking to me before i blow my brains out."

"tell your father that he's an asshole," my mother yells to me.

"really, dad? you don't think that's a little dramatic? why should i have to tell either of you anything? not only can you literally hear each other, i am the child. this should not be my business and you're being immature," i let the words spill out, angry and frustrated.

"i'm the dramatic one? and immature? fucking hell," he raises his arms in defeat - or maybe disbelief - and lets them fall back to his sides, opening the door to the garage to pack up a few more things.

"no emapthy," i mutter, finally trudging to my room.

i can still hear them yelling across the house periodically, but it's quieter now. i sigh and look over to my window. i usually leave my blinds at least half raised, mainly because i like the natural light, but also out of habit.

i stand and walk over to the window, looking over into josh's room like i used to as a kid.

it looks like he's facetiming someone, his phone in his hand and held a few inches from his face. he's laughing at something the person on the other end has said.

i sigh again and fall back onto my bed, mentally running through the list of everyone i know and trying to think of anyone i could hang out with, any place i could be other than here.

i don't want to talk to any of my basketball friends about this. it's embarrassing and we never talk about anything beyond surface level. plus, they're having an end of year party tonight that i'd really rather not go to. i'm just not in the mood to be around that many people.

my list of friends pretty much ends there. i know a lot of people in school, but i'm not close enough to any of them to want to talk to them or hang out with them outside of class, at least not with this stuff going on.

i'll just deal with this alone, like i do everything else.

i glance over to my window again. i wish i had a friend to facetime. even if i didn't want to go anywhere, i wish i had someone that i felt comfortable enough around to talk about things. not that i would. i'd probably still shove it down if i'm being honest.

i think i get that from my dad.

he never talks about anything, never has. he doesn't have any friends either. a few drinking buddies he knew in college that i think he only keeps around to have someone to go drink with in the first place.

my dad wouldn't have said anything when blake shoved josh either. i knew i should've said something in the moment. i just... didn't know what. and to be even more honest with myself, i was scared of how my teammates would react. they love to pick on anyone accessible, even if it isn't to their face. they always say it's lighthearted, that they don't have any ill intentions, but i know that's a lie too.

i try to brush it off. i mean, would josh even want me to say anything? would it have come off as... condescending? would he have thought i thought he was weak or something? that i thought he couldn't fight his own battles?

who am i kidding though? it's not like he needs me to protect him, to worry about him like this. i'm sure he's not thinking about it anymore at all. and he has other friends, he probably doesn't want me bothering him and messing up his summer.

we aren't kids anymore. he doesn't need me.

(an: this one kinda hurt lol)