summer child // joshler

25

tyler's point of view

friends.

at least we're friends now.

why did that hurt when he said it? i mean, it's true. we're friends. friends who kiss and hold hands and hang out basically every day.

it hurts. why does it hurt? this shouldn't be happening. i need a distraction. i don't want to feel like this anymore.

josh left shortly after our conversation and i immediately texted blake.

tyler: any plans tonight?

blake: carters house in an hour. u coming?

tyler: definitely.

blake: sick see u there

-

i walk to carter's house instead of driving. i don't plan on being sober for longer than it takes for me to get to the kitchen and pour a drink.

two cups in, blake walks into the room with a girl by his side. "tyler! there you are. where's your pet nerd tonight?"

"dude, respectfully, shut the hell up. i am here to get wasted." i pour myself another cup of punch (that i know carter poured an entire bottle of tito's in before anyone showed up).

"i get that." he pats my back with much more force than necessary and pours a cup for the girl next to him and one for himself. he's out of the room after that and i'm left alone.

people come in and out of the kitchen and i make small talk with each of them, watching them come and go. i continue to drink until most of the punch is gone. i must've had at least six cups by now.

then i have an idea.

i stumble out of the kitchen, walking through the living room until i see erica, a girl from my grade that blake has told me multiple times has a huge crush on me. she smiles when she sees me, almost as drunk as i am.

"heyyyyy, tyyyler." she brings one hand up to my shoulder and lets it slide down to my chest. "come to see me?"

"can i, um... can i kiss you?"

"toootally." she brings her hands up to my face and smashes her lips against mine.

she tastes like green apple laffy taffy and smells like raspberries.

and it's all wrong.

i miss josh. i want to be kissing him. i want to feel his hand in mine, smell his cologne and laugh with him up on my roof.

i can't be here anymore.

i pull away abruptly. "shit. uh, i gotta go, erica. i'll see you around."

i probably look like an ass, but i'm definitely not sober enough or mentally stable enough to care right now.

"okayyyy! byyyeee, tylerrrr." she giggles and waves as i walk away. "we should do that again sometime!"

i leave the house and don't bother saying goodbye to anyone. my vision is a bit blurry but luckily i know the way home by heart.

when i eventually make it to my house, i stand in front of my door for a brief moment before deciding it isn't worth risking waking my mom up while I'm in this state. i walk around the side of the house and stop in front of my window.

i turn and look into josh's room. his blinds are only raised a few inches, the slots between each shade less than an inch wide. i crouch down and peek inside, bracing myself against the house in order to not fall over. he's sitting on his bed, i think watching tv.

i knock gently on the glass and he startles a bit, looking over to me. i watch a confused expression come across his face before he stands up, coming over to lift the blinds all the way and open the window to let me in.

i climb inside and he closes it behind me. "tyler? what are you doing here?" he pauses, sniffing the air. "and are you drunk? are you alright?"

"yes, i am drunk, actually. i was sad." i hiccup, my vision much less blurry now. "i didn't want to be sad anymore, so i went to a party. there was punch! i had a lot. i did it on purpose. i'm a bad friend." i sigh, feeling the sadness seep through the wall of alcohol i spent all night building.

"okay. alright, come here," josh takes one of my hands and takes a few steps back, leading me to sit on the bed, "let's get you ready for bed. we can talk about this tomorrow." he pulls my shoes off for me, "do you want to change into some sweatpants?"

"noooo. too much work." i move to lay down where i normally do when i sleep over. "i like your bed. smells like josh."

"that's probably because its my bed." he lays down next to me.

"you're right." i pause, thinking about what to say next. "i'm sorry i'm such a bad friend."

"why are you a bad friend? you didn't do anything wrong. we can talk about this tomorrow if you'd rather wait until-"

"because i can't even decide if i wanna be your friend or not," i answer, my words running together as i say them.

"what? tyler, what happened at the party? are you okay?" he seems extra worried now.

god, i'm terrible. i have to tell him.

"i kissed a girl, josh. but the whooole time, you know what? i just wished it was you."

(an: poor tyler.)