summer child // joshler

45

josh's point of view

i hold tyler in my arms as he cries, saying nothing.

it's a lot to take in. my mom was right though, i guess he was struggling a lot more than i'd thought.

"tyler, why don't you come stay with me tonight?" i pull away just a little and bring one hand up to cup his cheek.

he's pale and the bags under his eyes are worrying. he's still shaking a bit, the stream of tears barely slowing. i feel so guilty that i wasn't there for him. i could've done more. i should've done more.

"are you sure?" he leans into my hand and holds my arm with both of his hands to keep me there. "i-i don't want to bother you,"

"you're not bothering me at all, love." i lean forward and kiss his forehead.

he nods and moves to get off of my lap before we both get down from the roof. i hold his hand as we walk across to my house. we still climb in my window instead of taking the door in fear of waking my mom up that way, but once we're inside, i lead him to the bathroom and start the water.

"is it alright if i help you shower?" i speak quietly and he nods.

i help him take his clothes off and take mine off after. i step into the shower with him and start with the shampoo, washing his hair gently.

"i'm sorry, josh," he mumbles, his eyes closed.

"don't apologize." i pause as he rinses his hair and then start with the conditioner when he turns around again. i wash his body for him next, making sure to be careful around his wrists.

he's lost too much weight since i've seen him last and it's scary. i make no comment on it though, staying silent as i help him finish and then wash myself as quickly as possible.

we both step out and wrap ourselves in towels, walking back to my room together. i have him sit down on my bed and change first, grabbing some of my clothes for him to wear after. i help him put them on and then take his hands to help him up.

he hugs me before i can do anything else, his grip around me so tight i can feel his arms begin to shake. i hold him there for awhile, not pulling away until he does. he steps back, his hands falling to his sides.

"thank you," he says.

"don't thank me, ty." i lean down to kiss his forehead again. "come with me. i'll make you some food."

"it's late, j. we have school tomorrow. you don't-"

"we'll skip. let me cook for you. please. you look like you haven't eaten in days." i take one of his hands in mine and bring it to my lips, pressing a small kiss to it. "let me take care of you."

tyler nods and follows me to the kitchen. he sits at the table, moving the chair so he's facing me as i cook. i gather a few things from around the kitchen and start the process, making as little noise as possible.

"aren't you gonna make me, like... talk about things?" he asks, his voice timid and small.

"we don't have to just yet. don't stress over it, okay?" i look over to him and he nods.

i make him scrambled eggs and toast, then i wash the pan i used for the eggs while he eats. when he's finished, i wash his dishes too. he waits at the table, his eyes on the floor, saying nothing.

"come lay with me now, yeah?"

he nods and then stands up. i take his hand, brushing my thumb back and forth over his knuckles as we make the short walk back to my room. tyler gets into my bed and lays down in his normal spot. i come to my place beside him and grab my remote, turning on wreck-it ralph at a low volume. he loved this movie when it came out but he didn't want to admit it to anyone. he'd heard someone at school call it lame and he was embarrassed.

once it starts, i set the remote aside and pull him closer to me. i rub circles over his back under his shirt, my touch slow and light.

"i told my mom," i admit, deciding the conversation will go best if split into pieces.

"what did she say?" tyler asks, his cheek against my chest and one arm thrown around my waist.

"you know she loves you, ty," is all i say. i don't want him to think i'm doing this out of pity because of something my mom said.

"oh... um, j, i-i was wondering if... i understand if you don't want to, but are we still, like... boyfriends?"

"i hope so."

"i'm sorry, i'm not very good at this." he tilts his head up to look at me. "i love you though."

"i know, honey. it's alright. we're learning together." i kiss the top of his head. "and i love you too."

"thank you for taking care of me," he sniffles, his voice and eyes both tired.

"tyler, you dont have to thank me. i hate seeing you hurt. you're my best friend, i care about you, no matter what. always have, always will."

"do you think that... you'll put your ring back on?" he asks, then immediately backtracks after. "you don't have to if you don't want to, it's probably a dumb question but-"

"of course, t. i'm sorry i took it off in the first place. even if we were... fighting, or whatever it was, that doesn't mean we're not together. you're stuck with me until you tell me to go." i hold him tighter for a moment and then feel a few tears dampen the fabric of my shirt.

"never."

(an: how is everyone? are yall okay? 4 chapters & the epilogue left. i want to cry! we have so little of the book left. this has been such a nice little journey to go on with you all :,) )