Second Chances [BxB]

six

Sebastian had spent the last month trying to forget about the night he had spent with Declan. How monumental it had felt. How painful it had been the next day, trying to balance his guilt and shame and desire.

He had focussed on everything else in his life to try and distract himself from it. Work, and television, and Harvey, and his sobriety, and coffee, and Alex's gravestone. He convinced himself that all of it was more important. That Declan didn't matter. That Declan was just sex.

But now Declan was stood in front of him, and he wasn't just sex, he was a person. A pretty one. A kind one. A funny one. And Sebastian just wanted to fall to his knees and apologise for not being more careful with the fragile moments they had created together.

"Hi." Sebastian said, because he couldn't ignore him. He couldn't walk away from him. He couldn't do anything but stare into his big green eyes, and curse himself for forgetting how warm they were.

Declan just stood there, not moving, not speaking, not doing anything. Then, eventually, he cleared his throat, and tugged at his beanie with shaking hands, "Hi." He mumbled.

There was a boy stood beside Declan, glancing between the pair of them hesitantly. After a moment of apparent internal deliberation, he offered Sebastian a tentative smile, "Hey." He greeted, "I'm Mickey. How d'you guys know each other?"

"Mickey." Declan hummed in his ear, "Can you go grab some rice? I'll meet you in the frozen aisle after."

Mickey nodded, "Right." He scanned Sebastian up and down before turning and disappearing around the corner.

"Is that your friend?" Sebastian asked.

"Why?" Declan shot back quickly.

Sebastian was taken aback by the edge in his voice, "Uh... Sorry." He said quietly, "I didn't mean to..."

"Yes." Declan was fiddling with his beanie again, "He's my friend."

"He seems nice."

"He barely said a word to you."

Sebastian should have seen this coming. He didn't know what he was expecting from Declan, but he shouldn't have been expecting anything at all. Declan didn't owe him a conversation. "Sorry." Sebastian breathed out shakily. He wasn't sure exactly what he was apologising for, but he knew that it was important that he did.

Declan sighed, "No, don't..." He was twisting a ring around his finger, "You don't have anything to apologise for. Sorry. I'm just...I'm not myself right now."

"Are you okay?" Sebastian felt his heart practically lurch out of his chest. He hadn't seen this boy in a month, and yet, the ghost of Declan's touch was still lingering on Sebastian's skin. The memories of their night together were still fresh. It felt like they were back in Declan's bed, curled up beneath the sheets, their limbs tangled together in a knot.

Declan nodded slowly, "I'm okay."

"Really?" Sebastian shouldn't have pushed - he knew that. But Declan had bags under his eyes, and his shoulders were slouched in a way they hadn't been last time. He didn't look okay.

Declan wrapped his fingers around the handle of his shopping trolley, leaning his weight against the cart, "You know that we're not...?" He sighed, "We're not friends, Sebastian."

And that felt like a shot right to the chest. Sebastian had to fight the urge to keel over, and clutch his chest to stem the bleeding. The worst part was, Sebastian had no right to be affected by Declan's words. He had no right to feel hurt. He had no right to want to correct the boy in front of him.

"It was a one night stand." Declan continued, his eyes on his trolley, avoiding Sebastian's gaze.

"Yeah." Sebastian replied thickly, "It was fun." Fun; that felt like such an inadequate word to use.