It Wasn't Supposed To Happen

106

Bondita felt she was back in the hut again with him. Learning about the doha.  " There must be some way to help them."

" None. There is no way to save someone after this. If it is really true...the love. Nothing can save you." Bondita felt each word sitting so well with herself. No matter how much he cared for her and showed, the pain of not finding what she needed was irreplaceable. " That is why there are so many rules Bondita. A distance between girls and boys. Sending away of a widow or not letting a man go near them. These...these were made initially to protect such feelings but then...they got twisted up really bad. That...that is what I think because..." He looked a little ashamed. " I was myself practising it."

" You were...?"

" I..." Aniruddh set his hair back with his fingers, a nervous habit of his. " I might have feared the very thing that happened. I saw how her...or any woman like her for that matter...how their eyes held an envy for the fortunate women of society. The spark I saw in Aarti's eyes when she visited here. All...they want Bondita is a home. A little love. A little smile. And...it is natural to look for it. That is what she did. She started looking for it and found it in a wrong place. I...do want to give them every thing. Every happiness...I try...so hard for it but... Bondita...I can't give them hope for something which a little impossible right now. The feelings she has developed are not rooted in my virtue as a good man rather the lack of one in her life. And...the more time she spent with me the more she was getting aware of her losses. And she tried to fill it with my...thoughts."

" That means...she is not wrong..."

Aniruddh glupped closing his eyes. " No...not completely. She is on the wrong path. That is true...but it might not be completely...her fault..." He didn't even know he was sure of it until now. But talking to her always cleared his own thoughts. A few days to think and a good discussion with Bondita told him Aarti was not a culprit. " She...is a victim..."

" Like you..."

Aniruddh's curious eyes met with her glossy ones. " What...?"

" Manorama Didi..."

" Bondita... I don't..."

" I am not accusing you Pati Babu..."

" I didn't say that..."

" I am just saying... Asking... It must have felt like that to you too. Having lost one love already. You had no love life and then were forced away from your loved ones. There...you found someone..." Bondita closed her eyes, a tear falling. She wiped it as Aniruddh once again saw the results of his worst slip up. Her tears. " Pati Babu... I... I am grown up enough now...to know that I...did not actually give you the company of...of a woman...a wife..." She opened her eyes again to see his. " You too must have...longed for it..."

" It was wrong of me Bondita..."

" I am not talking about your marriage with her. That was a crime. I am talking about... finding in her what you didn't find in your child bride..."

The shame and guilt melted and made its way through his eyes. " I am sorry. That is all I have...to ever be able to say for my..."

" I forgive you Pati Babu..." His head jerked up and she could make out his lashes trapping the tears. " Not for your marriage. But for your involuntary attempt of finding...love when there was none in your life..."

" I had you..."

" And apparently I was not enough that time..." She smiled a little sadly but with confidence. She had no regret in accepting the fact as they were. She was a child incapable of forming the attachments of an adult woman. Things she knew now...
Things she felt now...
His fingers roaming on her skin, the morning she woke up next to him trapped in his arms. She was learning about it just now. And now that she had experienced such emotions on her own, she knew for certain they were dangerous. Tempting. Like some evil. Like being possessed. The moment of weakness...the moment she would have done anything on his command. Pure...or not. Sane or not. And what was frightening was she wanted to feel it again. Wanted him to pull her strings again.