It Wasn't Supposed To Happen

53

Aniruddh never wanted Bondita to hide her true feelings from him and neither did he want to hide his. But how to tell her he didn't want her to leave without coming off as selfish. She might feel guilty of her choice, might stay back for him when she really didn't want to.

He had been avoiding her since she declared her wish. He knew he would not be able to control himself. He would say something that might not sit well with her. Or do something that could give her one more reason to stay away from him. But he really wished for one thing.

A night with her...

To talk to her the whole night holding her hands. Tell her how much he would miss her. How it would pain him to see her go. That he would write letters and come visit her. Tell her what she meant to him enough for the days she was going to be away. When she comes to visit he would do it again. And again.

But since he came to know the truth of that night, even an innocent night as this seemed criminal. Holding her hand, hugging her...he longed for it but could not do it. He didn't trust himself around her anymore. Not that he felt like jumping on her the moment he saw her but the thought that he had lost control once that night weighed on him. And some recent events told him that the physical contact that felt normal before didn't feel as innocent now.

He knew he was not looking at a teenage girl with wrong intension but touching her now felt wrong. It was not like he was avoiding her like plague but he avoided being alone with her.

Avoided being close to her in a way only he had the right to...ironic it was...

Yes... He knew. Only he had the right to hug her the way he did the night he almost kissed her skin. It was only his right to sleep beside her or hold her like he did that morning. Even if it was as innocent as their relationship, it was only his right to be that innocent with her. But it felt so wrong at the same time. He never thought he would ever have such moments with her...not at her this young an age... fifteen. But now that he thought of it, he didn't want her to have her very first of intimate moments with a grief stricken heart. It was supposed to be when she was happy... when all this was not to take her pain away but to give her a new happiness. He wanted her to experience it when she was sure she was ready.
But was it ever going to happen in real life ? Could he ever give her that ?

When she comes back from her school she would be around sixteen or seventeen. What excuse would he give then ? Of staying away from her ?
Will there be any reason for him to not accept her as his wife ? To not give her those rights ?
The future was much near than he had thought.

And who knows if she would even want him then...
The reason she was going was because she knew could live without him now.

Trilochan had seen his son depressed for a long time from a distance now. He could not anymore. He had asked for forgiveness from Bondita but he yet had to face Aniruddh. It was going to be much difficult than it was with Bondita. Aniruddh was the one telling him how wrong it was but he had not listened and had hurt him. He would have forgiven him if it ended there. He had hurt his Bondita and very severely. He was not going to forgive him.

But he wanted to take a chance.

" Aniruddh..." He went in the study to find him near the foot of the staircase with a paper in his hands.

" What is that ?"

" Her school form." He replied without any emotions. " They sent it urgently. Being Roy Chowdhury and all." He would have liked a regular service in this one. A delay perhaps.

Kaka saw again the aggressive suppression of emotions on his son's face.

" You are not happy about it beta."