It Wasn't Supposed To Happen

9

Her emotions were all over the place, painting her heart red, not the colour of love but the colour of excruciating pain.

These were the times she got burnt by the flame she so wanted to extinguish two years ago.

Two years.

It had been two years since she had been trying to bury those feelings, whatever they were called, she had for her pati babu. The society had deemed it to be her right, not only that but the very reason of her existence, to love and devote herself to her pati babu. And at that time it had felt the ultimate truth. It must have been the truth or else why would she have wanted to abide by the rules and laws of the society for the very first time.

Not questioning them but believing them... blindly.
For the first time the society was with her and not against her. Her wish to be with her pati babu so strong that she had at a point stood against him in a quest to be with him. How had she fallen in the web ?

She had created that web around herself.

And despite everything, against her own judgement, she had, in the end given up on her futile attempts after witnessing the struggles of her pati babu. She had learnt one thing, her pati babu could do anything for her to be happy and if her pati babu said this was not good for her then she knew it was for her own happiness.

No matter it felt at that time her very happiness would disappear if she gave up on him. But she did. She tried...so hard.

" They are just fleeting emotions Bondita, they would be gone before you know it..." Her pati babu had told her.

And fleeting they were...unless something like this happened. Such awkward situations had occurred lesser and lesser by passing day but here and there such incidents popped up making it so hard for her to believe that her emotions had being just the fleeting types.

Why had they not disappeared yet ?

She had a firm belief in her pati Babu's words and her own efforts that those emotions were no more but moments like this proved to her that they were just hidden.

Was her pati babu wrong about her feelings ?

The proximity was too much for her. It didn't mean that they never got physically this close ever. Just this time she could feel the shift in emotions of her pati Babu. And it pinched her. She knew he would deny it if she asked. He would lie to her, tell her "Its nothing Bondita " when she could see it was. Her pati babu was different. He, at times like this, made her feel like he was a liar, made her feel like she was the only one sensitive to the sudden change in the atmosphere.

This made her want to break down, right here, right in front of his eyes, right in his arms...so much.

She could feel the tears pricking her eyes. She suddenly was so angry at him but didn't want to cry in front of him. Nothing rattled the heart of Aniruddh Roy Chowdhury the way her tears did. And she knew it. She didn't want to subject him to it even if she was angry at him.

She started to get up but it was too late. Aniruddh had already noticed her slightly wet eyes. She was trying so hard to control them but Aniruddh could as if sense them.

Her suddenly moving away from him did not set well with him and without even knowing he pulled her back to him, not once letting go of her arms.

" Bondita..." He whispered, a bit scared now. Did he do something ? Did he say something ? What was it ? He was getting  restless. His left hand left her right arm and went towards her back, slightly pushing her to him. A move only made as an attempt to rub her back and sooth her.
An attempt that made her place her left hand on the bed, between them, maintaining her balance so as to not fall on him or get closer to him.