Only Human

21

*"No. Mommy! Wake up! Mommy, wake up! Please!"*

"Miah."

*"Mommy? Mommy? Mommy! Wake up!"*

"Miah, wake up."

*"Mommy don't cry."*

"Miah!" I finally heard his loud voice, my eyes snapping open. I could feel my heart beat pounding in my chest, my clothes soaked with sweat.

"It's just a dream. It's okay." He pulled me into his arms. Warmth, comfort, love. It was all just temporary. He wouldn't stay. Nobody ever stayed. He was wrong again. It wasn't a just a dream. I've lived through every one of my nightmares. My own memories haunting me.

I pulled away, getting out of my bed and heading to the bathroom to shower away the gallons of sweat that seemed to pour out of me while I was sleeping.

"Miah, wait." His deep voice vibrated in his chest and it nearly broke me. I couldn't. I couldn't pretend anymore, it hurt to much. I closed the door in his face, locking it behind me.

I was thankful that my house had doors that locked unlike his. I washed away the night. I let my eyes let go of the tears they had been holding back, under the cover of the water. Crying silently, my chest aching. I cried for my brother and what it must have been like for him to be given away to a drug dealer by his own mother. I cried for my mother for every time I had to see her overdose. I cried for my Grama, who dealt with me, the burden, after my mother dropped me off and never came back. I cried for never knowing my father.

But most of all I cried because the man I love would never love me back and there wasn't anything I could do to change it. I was just a weak human and I was a burden he was stuck with. I would never birth him strong pups, I would be the target on his packs back. I was nothing but a problem from the moment I showed up in his life.

My hair dripped on my shoulders as I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. I should just leave but I tried that already. I was so lost, so confused. I just wanted it all to stop! I just wanted.. I wanted... I..

I wanted to drown it all out.

I took a deep breath, trying to leave my insecurities and problems in the bathroom. I would open the door and leave this room feeling like it was a new day. My hand trembled as I turned the cold handle. I pulled the door open, Luke's body falling back slightly as I did.

"Luke? I thought you left." I stared down at him. He looked tired. Serves him well after coming home drunk last night. He basically stood me up, even though he didn't actually know I was cooking for us..

He stood up, towering infront of me. I craned my neck to look at his stupid beautiful face. I was angry with him, I wish his wolf had more control sometimes.

"I needed to tell you.. I'm sorry." His hand lingered on the back of his neck, the other in his front pocket as he went on.

"What I said to you last night. It was out of line and I didn't mean it." He was looking at his feet, a clear indicator that his honesty was flawed.

"I often find that people are more honest when they're drunk." I glared at him, letting him know I wasn't going to buy his bullshit.

"Look. I was rude and I'm sorry, okay? But I need you to do something for me." He looked at me with unease.

"I see. So what you really mean is that you need something from me so your kissing my ass to get it." I threw a wicked smirk at him as I pushed past him into the hallway, almost failing due to the sheer size of him.

"Trust me you'd know if I was kissing your ass..." He mumbled from behind me as I climbed up the stairs.

"I have important buisness in a neighboring pack and I need my Luna to be there supporting me." He explained, his voice getting louder as i ascended.

"Arthur will be there..." I could hear the annoyance in his voice from up here. Arthur I could deal with. At least I wouldn't have to be alone with Luke.

"I'll go with you because, I do support you." His eyes never left mine as I gave him my answer. I could see that my words meant something to him, even if he would never admit it. Even if he could never love me. Even if I had to live in this cabin as a stuffed toy for his wolf, I still supported him.

"But this doesn't get you out of the doghouse with me." I walked to the kitchen to heat up a cup of tea. I could hear him take a deep breath, like weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

That's the funny thing about relief. It's one of the best feelings in the world but you can only come across it if you end up in a tough spot first.

"We need an alliance formed with the silver crest pack. In order to gain that alliance I need to be properly mated." His lips were pierced in uncertainty

"Properly?"  I said slowly to clue him in on my confusion as a stirred my tea.

"Aren't we mates?" My back was turned. He seemed to hesitate before speaking next.

"You have to bare my mark and share my scent." The silence that followed seemed to linger forever.

I took a short deep breath and let go. How could he ask me to do this when he doesn't love me? Why would I give myself to him when he doesn't love me?

"Why would I give you my everything? Why should I?" My tone suddenly changed as I snapped out of the cloud of hearts that drowns me when he's around.

"Your mine already." His blue eyes  boring into mine and his jaw clenching, over and over again.

"Do you love me?" The arrogance in my voice came on stronger than I had meant it to.

"Miah. This isn't about me and you. This is about securing the safety of my pack." He argued. My eyebrows instantly shot up at his emotionless words.

"Are you serious?" I deadpanned.

"It's no different than sleeping with someone you just met at the bar." His words felt crude as they skidded into my ears.

"Is that what you think of me? That I'm some fucking junkie slut?" I slammed my coffee cup on the counter and stalked over to him. My eyes pinned into slits as I glared into his eyes. Before I knew it my palm mad contact with his cheek, a crisp smack sounded throughout the house.

"Fuck you." I turned on my heel and walked out the front door.