Only Human

9

I watched the tea as the water soaked into the herbs, maroon and orange tones seeping into the cup. Holly said it was for aches and pains.

I brought my tea with me to the bathroom. Apparently I stink. I took a sip of the deep amber liquid before setting the cup down on a small stool and climbing into the tub.

It would be a shame to waste that tea. I really don't like cold tea, and room temperature tea was just wrong. I decided to drink half of it quickly and return to the rest later.

Leaning back against the tub a sense of lightness flooded through my body, deep within my muscles. It was almost numbing.

*"I- I- I- I dont have the uh the money right now." My mommy fidgeted with her fingers as she spoke to the strange man in our car.*

*"Its your lucky day Ms. The boss is currently accepting alternative forms of payment." The strange man was smiling but when mommy tried to touch the strange man he stoped her.*

*"Not that form of payment." He looked in the back seat at me and my brother Blake.*

*"My son. My son. You can take my son. He's 10." My mommy begged the man.*

*"Have fun." He handed her a loaded syringe and she immediately pooped the cap off. The strange man got out and opened Blake's door and took him.*

*"Chase!! No! Don't take my brother, please! Please! Mommy! No!" I shouted and cried as the strange man took my brother away. My mommy fell asleep and I was alone. The pain in my chest felt like I was drowning.*

I coughed and gasped for breath as I pushed myself out of the water. I must have fallen asleep in the tub and slipped under the surface. I decided to waste the rest of Holly's 'aches and pains' tea and went to sit on the couch.

I wrapped myself up in my throw blanket, Lukes smell almost completely faded away. I wished it was still there. I wished he was here. I wish he wanted me like I wanted him.

Would he deny me if I came to him? Would he push me away and send me home? Would he comfort me and hold me and tell me everything would be okay? That he would protect me..

Before I knew it I was dressed and headed out my door, hair wet and dripping down my dry clothes. I didn't know where he lived, but maybe Holly did. I knocked on the log cabin door, assuming this was her place.

"Myah." She raised an eyebrow.

"Hi. I was hoping you could tell me where Luke's house is?" I asked her awkwardly, not wanting to talk about the hallucination her tea just gave me. I would however ask about it tomorrow.

"Across from the hospital. Check his office first, its the guest house behind the main house." She closed the door quickly. I stood there stunned for a second while I rethought my plans.

"You can do this. Just show up and…" I tried to walk myself through it. I had no idea what to say to him.

*Hey. So some things from the past came back to haunt me and I know you hate me, so I wont ask for you to hold me, but can I just have your shirt so I can get some sleep tonight?*

I saw the light on inside the smaller of the two buildings and headed that way. The property was dark and it was getting hard to see. I knocked on the front door and waited nervously for an answer.

"Oh. Its you." Blair came to the door with a smile, but my presence seems to have wiped it away.

"Hi…" I stood there awkwardly as we looked at eachother expectantly. The words I thought about saying to Luke slipping away by the second.

"Did you need something." She raised an eyebrow.

"No…no.. Nope. Sorry. Have a good night." I faked a smile and started to fast walk back to my house.

The path was dark and the shadows played tricks on me. They hid behind trees and jumped out infront of me. The ringing in my ears started and I rushed to get home. I could feel a panic attack crawling up my throat.

"Hey, Myah." Oliver grabbed my elbow and stopped me on the trail. I shrieked.

"Oh my god!" I cried out in fear, grabbing my chest. "Oliver!" I let out a few labored breaths. "I'm sorry. Its just the dark and this tea I drank. I'm sorry." I blabbered on.

"Yeah. Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to come to dinner with the pack tomorrow?" He offered seeming genuinely kind.

"Sure." I smiled still catching my breath. My heart beat still racing in my chest.

"Great, dinners are held at the pack house in dining Hall and we eat at eight." He started to walk away and panic strook me again.

"Wait! Oliver." I quickly stopped him. I didnt want to walk home alone in the dark.

"Can you please walk me home. I'm just... Feeling a little weird tonight." Asking for help from Oliver was a little weird, but right now I would take walking with anyone over walking alone. Plus he was very kind.

"Ok." The walk was quick and relatively quiet. We made small talk about our favorite vegetables since I work at the nursery now. His is corn and I like squash.

When I got inside I took the throw blanket with me to bed, cuddling up inside it and burying my face where Lukes smell was the strongest. I tried to get some sleep tonight seeing as I didn't get much yesterday.

But my brain.

My dumb. Stupid. Brain….

Wouldn't, NO, Couldn't stop thinking about Luke and why Blair was answering his door. I couldn't just stay here for him if he was going to be screwing other woman while I'm expected to be a some kind of trophy that sits on the shelf gathering dust.

Why couldn't he just love me? Why can't I be good enough for him just the way I am?