Hawk Heart

15. Through the City

Everything had changed. How dare the world still stay so constant?

I hadn't found it in myself to ask...my dad? Arden? How should I even refer to him?

I hadn't asked him yet about what I had overheard. How would he respond? He could of course, straight up deny anything I said. Or he could admit everything, tell me the truth. Did I want either?

From downstairs, I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't bother to move from my position- face down on my mattress. Whoever it was, would go away, soon enough. 

Much to my annoyance however, I heard vaguely familiar footsteps out in the hallway, getting louder as they walked towards me. Who could it be? Someone whom I could ask to fuck off, hopefully. 

"Aster, you there?"

Kai's voice caught me off guard for a few minutes, before I became wary. Of course I would see a lot of him. Dad wanted me to befriend him. I wasn't sure I was in the mental state to deal with his extraordinary exuberance. Maybe he would understand if I asked him to leave. On second thoughts, maybe it was better if I did talk to him? Might take my mind off everything. The Ball. My dad. Zeph. 

The thought of Zeph felt like a hot knife slicing my chest open. An agony that left be breathless, and at the same time euphoric. The realization that I was devastatingly in love with him. The knowledge that he could never be mine. But he had held me back, hadn't he? He had kissed me. I touched my forehead almost instinctively, remembering the fleeting, soft touch of his lips. It had felt so tender. Almost like a dream. What if it had been?

"Aster?"

Kai's voice pulled me out of my reverie and I answered back, "In a minute."

I opened to door to reveal Kai standing there, seemingly bouncing on the balls of his feet. He smiled brightly when he saw me, although I couldn't help but notice the dark circles under his eyes. "Training keeping you awake?" I enquired, feeling pity for him. 

"Er...a bit yes," he said, somehow not meeting my eyes. "Anyway, I heard you attended the Rise of Light Ball," he asked, bouncing at an almost alarming rate, already out of breath. "How was it? Did you see anything interesting? Who all were there? How was the food? Did you dance? Can you dance? What was the music like? Who-?"

"Alright now, shush," I said, amused by his barrage of questions. His cheeks flushed and he shook his head, his shoulders slumping. 

"Sorry," he muttered. 

"You don't have to apologize," I said, chuckling.

"Sorry," he said again before slapping a hand on his mouth with a concerning sound. "Er-"

I couldn't help but laugh at his antics. He seemed to be like a mischievous elf- complete with curly hair and sparkly eyes. "It's okay. But er...kind of a relief to see you."

"R-really?" his eyes widened, shining. "Oh. I thought I would be disturbing you. I was just out in the city. And well...wondered if I could see you."

"Oh, exploring the city?" I shrugged. "Sounds like a fun time."

"Would you like to c-come with me?" he asked, blinking rapidly. "Er...we have this ice cream shop down the store that has the tastiest sundaes. If you w-want."

"Ice cream sounds great!" I said, shutting the door behind me. I wasn't sure how long it would be till I got bored of his energy, but till then, I could at least distract myself with a treat. Once outside in the street, he started rambling again. It was strange to me how he didn't really seem to need another person to converse with. 

"- for like thirty minutes. But even then, it was awfully painful. It's a very very strict method of punishment. Some even compare it to the Sanctum. But, I don't think it's that bad. I mean, a few hours of pure solitude versus a few weeks? I'd take a few hours any day. But it does seem like a tiny Sanctum- only much less ritualistic. And it doesn't really have much of a purpose either. I mean, I went there for a few hours and-"