jian oneshots

struggling with change

third person pov

"i can't believe we had a kid only a week ago," kian tells jc as he holds their newborn baby boy, harry.

kian and jc just had a kid a week ago. a lot of people close to them, mainly friends and a few of their family members, were telling them that they were too young to start their own family. they may be right considering jc and kian are still teenagers, but that wasn't going to stop them from doing something they really wanted to do, which is raise a family together.

the last two weeks have been kind of stressful for the both of them, but even more so kian. from going to the hospital in labor to coming back home to a completely different lifestyle, it's definitely taken a toll on kian. jc seems ok, but kian doesn't feel the same as he once was. he used to be so cheerful and crack so many jokes all the time, but now he doesn't. to him, it feels like he's hit very a low point in his life and he doesn't know what to do about it or how to get out of it.

he was warned about something like this happening. before kian and jc left the hospital, kian found a paper in his room explaining how some parents may feel helpless, especially as first time parents, but to him, it was all bogus. he thinks he's still trying to adjust to his new way of life with a son and that it'll all be better soon.

"isn't he precious?" jc says from behind kian, wrapping his arms around his waist.

"he sure is," kian says back.

harry's asleep right now in kian's arms. kian strokes his cheek with his index finger, admiring the beautiful boy both him and jc made together.

"dinner's ready!" kian's mom calls from the kitchen.

"you go ahead. i have to go leave harry in his crib first," kian says.

jc nods, walks out of their room, and goes into the kitchen. kian goes to the nursery and carefully places the sleeping baby in the crib and quietly walks out of the room, trying his best to not make a sound. on his way out, the door creaks as he shuts it close, making his heart drop. thankfully, the baby seems unbothered by the noise. kian sighs in relief and joins the rest of his family in the kitchen for dinner.

everything seems to be going smoothly during dinner. kian's mom, dad, jc and kian are all sitting at the dining table eating mushroom risotto and talking about how much their lives have changed over the past few months. when everyone gets about halfway done with their food, they hear the baby wailing from kian and jc's bedroom.

"i'll go check on him," jc says, getting up from his seat.

"no, i'll go do it," kian says. he wipes his mouth on his napkin before standing up and making his way to the baby's room.

once kian opens the door to the room, the screams from seem to harry multiply times ten. in the room. the sound is deafening.

kian swiftly makes his way to harry. he immediately scoops him up and rocks him. maybe he's hungry, kian thinks to himself. he grabs a bottle that's still almost full and gives it to him. he calms him down for a bit, but right after kian takes the now empty bottle from his mouth, he screams at the top of his lungs.

"what the fuck?" kian murmurs, quickly becoming frustrated with the situation he's in.

he thinks for a minute while rocking the baby, trying desperately to quiet him. then, he decides the baby might need his diaper changed, so he changes his diaper hoping that will finally soothe him, but he doesn't calm down.

kian feels like he's struggling so much. he doesn't know how much more of this he can take. trying to finish high school, adjusting to parenting, and wondering what the fuck is wrong with his poor little boy is all becoming unbearable.

after failing multiple times, kian simply gives up. he puts the baby back into his crib, letting him cry all he wants. kian feels guilty, hopeless.  he feels like he can't do anything about it other than sit and cry right beside him. he slumps against the wall, right beside the crib, and sobs, finally breaking down from all of his stress.

"please. just stop crying," kian pleads with the baby over and over again.

jc still hears the baby crying from the dining table. he excuses himself to see if kian has everything under control. he enters the room and sees kian on the floor, clearly a wreck.

"what's going on?" jc asks kian. he grabs kian's face and gently moves it, making kian look him in the eye. "i thought you had this under control. what happened?"

"i, just, i can't do this. i can't do this anymore! it's only been a week and i just feel so stressed out! harry wakes up in the middle of the night and i never know if he's hungry or tired or needs his diaper changed! like right now. i fed him, changed his diaper, and tried to rock him to sleep, but nothing's been working. it's so hard to know what he really wants. i don't think i was cut out for this parenting shit anyways. i don't deserve this. i'm a fucking loser."

kian continues to cry. he's trying so hard to avoid jc's eyes, but he can't since jc is still holding his face.

jc lets go of kian's face and hugs him. he tries his best not to cry, too. he decides to hold it in. it's bad enough that kian's already having a nervous breakdown. plus, the baby's still crying. he decides to get up and try to calm the baby. he picks him up and, somehow puts him in a matter of minutes to sleep.

"thank you. i don't know how i couldn't just do it myself," kian tells jc.

"because you're stressed. i've seen it in your face since we got home from the hospital," jc says.

kian sniffles. "yeah. i can't handle this, you know. i don't know why i find it so hard and today was my breaking point."

"it's gonna get better. just give it some time and you'll get the hang of it too. trust me."

kian shakes his head. he thinks he'll never be able to become the parent he wishes he could be. his mind and heart are racing. what if he really doesn't grow into the parent he thought he'd be the minute he had his son harry? what if something terrible happens and he never gets that chance ever again?

he feels himself go into a downward spiral before jc hugs him. he feels safe in his arms. it feels so comforting to be held at a moment like this where he feels useless, hopeless, and so depressed.

"whatever you're thinking, just stop. don't put yourself down. we'll figure this out. quit worrying about it so much," jc says.

"that's easier said th-than done, you know," kian says with a hiccup.

he buries his face into jc's chest, crying some more all while jc strokes kian's hair, saying over and over again to him, "it'll be alright. don't worry. you're a fighter," attempting to calm him.

they stay like that for sometime. after kian's done with his breakdown, jc helps him up and leads him into their bedroom, making sure to make any noise that might cause the baby to wake up. both of them go straight to bed, exhausted.

"we should sleep now. it's been a long, rough night. plus, you need to rest more than ever right now. whenever you hear the baby crying, just wake me up and tell me. i'll handle it," jc says as he pulls the covers over himself.

kian turns so he's facing jc. "thank you so much. where would i be without you?" kian asks jc.

jc sighs and shrugs.

"thank you again. you mean the world to me," kian says, caressing jc's cheek.

"back at you," jc says. they wrap their arms around each other and fall asleep peacefully together. neither of them hear a peep from harry's room.