Hopeless shadow and Golden urns # 1

Kabanata 2

Shadows cast me down.

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;

I lift my lids and all is born again.

I think I made you up inside my head.

I drink my iced coffee while driving and listening to Mad Girl's Love Song by Sylvia Plath. The weather is heavy, it's too sunny outside.

As soon as the podcast stopped, I inhaled and shook my head. Silence scares me. I couldn't stop myself from thinking and that shit bothers me.

Today, I leave New York to search for something I want to know. This is my word. This is what I want to do. There is a big opportunity waiting for me. If I ever write an autobiography about this woman, I can promise a spot of success for me.

I'm so tired living in the shadow of my ex-boyfriend. I want my name to be mine, I want to create something solely for me. And this is my first step.

With my messenger bag and newspaper, lumabas ako ng kotse. Malakas na hangin kaagad ang bumungad sa pagbaba ko.

Trees, never ending trees. The salt air brushes up against my skin, I close my eyes and feel the lightness of the world. No moving cars around, no walking people, no streets, no city lights, just me and the beauty of the world.

I take a deep breath as I open my eyes. This is beautiful.

Naglakad ako malapit sa isang malaking kulay abo na gate. Sa loob nito ay isang malaking simbahan at dalawang maliit na lumang bahay.

Alam ko na ang aasahan ko bago pa ako pumunta rito kaya hindi na rin naging mahirap pa sa akin.

I am inside Steventon, Hampshire in England — a rural village with about 250 people. I have a map with me so I cannot imagine myself being lost, especially in this small village.

"Good morning, Miss. Shimizu Koga?"

Mabilis akong ngumiti matapos makita ang isang may katandaang lalaki na sumalubong sa akin. Maayos ang suot niya, malinis din ang gupit. Nakasalamin siya at may hawak na pamunas, halatang may ginagawa siya bago ako dumating.

"Mr. Anchise?" I asked, of course still smiling.

"Yes yes, please come inside. My wife baked something really good," he said, welcoming me inside.

"Thank you so much, Mr. Anchise."

"The pleasure is all mine," he starts laughing.

Hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko ang naglalakihang larawan na nakasabit sa loob ng napakalaking bahay. Larawan ng iba't-ibang mukha, may mga ipinintang larawan ng puno, bulaklak, at may bahay rin.

There's a big piano, and the house is absolutely big, old, and beautiful. I cannot imagine how old this house is. But it still stood, elegantly. I didn't let the small details pass my eyes. This is amazing.

"This house is beautiful," I said with a smile on my face.

"Wait till you see the upper part."

"Oh, I cannot wait." I smile.

Nagkausap na kami ni Mr. Anchise bago pa ako pumunta rito. Nasabi niya na sa akin na hindi raw sila ang nagmamay-ari ng bahay na ito pero sila ang tumitira, hindi rin sila nagbabayad kasi kamag-anak nila ang may-ari na si Lucas Elliot, may kinalaman siya sa pamilyang Elliot, ang ipinunta ko rito.