Vol six. (Reconnecting)

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Uncertainty

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Uncertainty.

If there's anything running through your mind for the past week, it was uncertainty.

It made you restless. Unsettled. A bit paranoid, even.

You love Hyewon with all your heart, but you're unsure if she shares the same feelings with you. Even after the countless times you've had sex, it mostly comes off as her trying to pleasure herself more than getting intimate with you. But you can't walk away easily. Perhaps there's a possibility where you're merely overthinking and that she truly loves you. Maybe not. It doesn't help that her revenue comes from being a porn star on the internet. Yeah. Finally you accepted this cold fact, despite the countless reminders from everyone you know — including your ex, Sakura. It's a hard pill to swallow, but eventually, you need to come to terms with it.

So her absence in your life is something you needed — and you truly appreciate it.

Check your phone for the umpteenth time in the early hours of the day. 52 missed calls from Kang Hyewon since 8:29 p.m. last night. Don't care. You want time for yourself, to reflect on whether or not she's the one for you. Ghosting her is the only option. As the ringing stops, the upbeat dance music booms over your earpods. The tempo transitions from quick to quicker. In response, you accelerate faster. Beads of sweat drip down, soaking your already drenched shirt.

The words of Sonic the Hedgehog ring in your head. Gotta go fast.

You might be running from your problems, but it's only temporary. Something you need an escape from, but will eventually face one day. Sprint past the oak tree and pass through the bridge, jumping over a duck in the process. If racecars can have perfect laps on the track, so could humans around a perfectly suitable park.

Your lungs take deeper breaths. One positive from your time with Hyewon is increased stamina. At least you're in a much better physical form than you were before meeting her. The world around you is but a blur, objects and people looking all but physically tangible and recognizable.

A glance to your rearview and find an orange streak chasing you down. A challenger approaches. Or is it?

The figure overtakes you but not without dropping some choice words. "On your left." She blazes past and is out of your reach within minutes. This girl is fast, you say to yourself.

But people run past each other without a second thought. It happens everyday. You shouldn't be surprised. Your feet continue at cruise control, jogging at a suitable rhythm that doesn't cause you to spin out of control.

You run past the local town library, its stairs you occasionally compare to that in Philadelphia. Maybe one day when you've got everything figured out, you can proudly climb up those steps and raise your fists to the sky like Rocky Balboa. Not today.

As your thoughts clear to the road ahead of you, you hear the same voice drop the same taunt. "On your left." The jogger runs past you and is out of sight shortly afterward. You've had enough. You shift gears and sprint faster, but try as you might, she's nowhere to be found how quicker you get. She's fleet-footed all right, but you didn't expect her to be a dash of lightning.

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