Is it really worth it?

"Ti amo"

Maya's mind wouldn't ease, so she stayed awake and let her mind tumble and work up a million thoughts. On nights like these, she has to give into them. They circled and circled, around what to do now. But it seemed like the only satisfying answer was murder and that she couldn't do. Carina had to decide if she wanted to report it to the police and scratch open the scab with that and even then the most likely result will be absolutely nothing. He'll walk free with not a care in the world. But if Carina decided to report it, it would be foolish for Maya to face him and threaten him since that could be a very easy use against them in court. On the other hand, he might not know how Maya looked, so she could threaten him and hide in court. That wasn't a smart solution either, since she wanted to support Carina during the trial. She could hire someone to bet him up. Okay, maybe she had to come up with something else. Maybe she just had to wait for Carina to say more.

Carina still slept peacefully in Maya's arms.  Though, probably not too long anymore. The sun outside the bedroom window started to rise and illuminate the bedroom so that the light of the sun fell directly onto Carina's forehead. It always bothered Carina which resulted in her waking up. They had the day for themselves and about that Maya couldn't be more grateful right now. It was her turn to take care of Carina. And in a way that felt good. No matter how selfish that sounded. Of course, she had to. The fact that Carina probably felt guilty that she had kissed another person made Maya even madder at that yerk. "Bambina?" Carina had woken up and looked up at Maya who had seated herself against the headboard of the bed. "Good morning beautiful," Maya saluted still sleepy Carina. She kissed her to wake her up a little bit more. "I missed you." She said being completely raw and honest which seemed to surprise Carina. "I've missed you too." She looked up and kissed Maya again. Harder this time, with a sort of longing. "Ti amo," Maya said totally butchering the pronunciation but Carina melted into her with a smile. "You learned Italian for me?" She smirked happy to have achieved this level of love. It seemed weird to wake up happy and ignore the thing that hurt Carina's, perfect heart. She couldn't deal with her being hurt, she couldn't pretend nothing happened. "Bambina, please not yet." Of course, Carina picked up on it. "You clench your jaw when you get annoyed by something. Just let me make toast before we talk, yeah?" Maya complied and got out of bed and walked to the closet. Carina observed her. Maybe her way of dealing with this was denial and ignoring it. The only thing Maya could do is accept that and wait until Carina is ready.

"Do you wanna go on a jog with me after breakfast?" Carina asked. She really did want to ignore it, going as far as doing something she absolutely despises. "Why don't we stay in today it's really hot and running would be a lot. Besides I wouldn't mind watching something." Carina nodded but refrained from answering.

They were now dressed and in the kitchen. Carina already pulled the pans and ingredients out of the cupboards. "Can I help?" Maya asked knowing the answer but asking nonetheless. Carina shook her head. Still, not using her voice. So, Maya just watched. They didn't say a word during the entirety of the French toast preparation.

*200 calories, 350 calories, 175 calories*

Even though she tried keeping her usual mindset away it seemed to sneak back into her thoughts. Especially when there was something she needed to distract herself from as silly as it sounds she felt a sort of comfort falling back into counting calories. It was something she knew, something she knew so well to control. She could control it fully, and she knew exactly how to. There is often comfort to be found in the things where comfort isn't seeked. That though probably shouldn't be counting calories. But as long as Maya kept telling herself that it was a distraction and she didn't 'really' care. It seemed fine to her.

They ate in silence but they both didn't seem to mind. Silence is often perceived as something bad. Something that only happens when you've run out of things to say, something that has to be filled because it is suffocating. But both Maya and Carina didn't see it that way. They saw it as a sign of finally having found comfort in the other person's presence and not their words. Silence is only comfortable if you are comfortable. "Baby I know this is hard and heavy but I want to help I want to do something for you. But you need to tell me what we should do." Carina looked lost in thought after Maya's questions. She appeared to start a sentence multiple times but always stopped herself. Maya didn't want to dig either.

"I don't know. I don't know what I want to do. I know I'm supposed to want to sue him and make him pay for the horrible pain he put me in, and probably other women through. He's supposed to pay and brought to justice but what if I don't know." She shrugged her shoulders, "what if I go through with this open up this horrible wound all over again, and then as it happens almost always. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Why do I have to be the one that goes through with it when so many women don't even talk about their assault. Why do I have to be the one to do it?" Tears started flooding her eyes. To all of these questions, Maya had no answer to. All of the questions a woman has to ask herself for something she would never ask form. They both knew it was just wrong, but what were they supposed to do if even the law was against them?

(I hope you enjoyed this chapter as always please let me know what you think and if you might have any ideas on what they are going to do. I am always interested in hearing your theories)