Part 39 Enjoy <3

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by lydiaisamazing
by lydiaisamazing
                                        
                                                  I want to stop feeling this way but who am I without this pain?
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                              Why can't I just kill myself? I'm gonna die anyways.

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                              I swear I'm trying my best but I just can't breath anymore and every second I'm alive I feel like I am drowning.
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                              I wonder what it feels like to be like one of those pretty girls that all the guys want.
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                              It comes a moment when you don't want to stop. When you don't want to get better. You just don't care anymore.
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                              And then they expect you to apologize for trying to die.
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                              When I said I'd take a bullet for you I didn't intend for you to pull the trigger.
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                              Everyone cares once its to late.
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                              I am happy though... when I dream about killing myself.
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                              I'm angry with myself for being so shitty and not trying enough.
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                              I want to kill my body, because my soul is already dead.
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                              It feels like I am annoying you.
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                              I can't concentrate on my school work, all I can think of is me failing exams, failing life, disappointing everyone, breaking down, crying, cutting, fuck it.
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                              -No one guy ever asked you out?
                              -No. Why would they?
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                              I just need to be thin, okay?
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                              Do you ever notice how happier people seem without you and you're just like 'oh'.
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                              Most people who commit suicide are dead long before they pull the trigger.
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                              Do I kill me or do I kill them?
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                              I am not needed and that scares me so much.
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