Confessions Of An Overthinker

14. Mistakes or Warning??

Her mistake was getting bounded to him, they have never lived together. The most she spent was 6 months with him when she was pregnant and 2 month when they just started dating. They had been together for years and she hates being at his mom house for obvious reasons listed herein.

She should have known. A grown 30 year old man living at his mom with no active plan to move. While considering this she brought across the topic of leaving there once more.

"Hey let's rent somewhere so we can have privacy and be together without your friends and family in the house every second". She needed him all to herself but each time a friend was in the house either looking something to eat or simply entertaining themself on the Wi-Fi.

She was tired of having sex in the bedroom, she needed to explore having sex on the furniture or in another room. She was sick and tired of being cooped up in a room not being able to let loose and let her freak flag fly. His respond came while she was considering if the table would be suitable for him to have her for lunch.

"Why rent somewhere when we can live here for free?! let's save the rent money until we move to our own place". Monica hated that responds and hated him for saying it each time. But why didn't she leave? why stay and make herself miserable for him when he makes you miserable to keep himself happy. Love was really a bullshit story.

Monica loved him and that was the price she paid: miserable at his mom who she didn't speak to because she had expectations of her. Ha! She wasn't about to live up to any expectation and because of that they didn't speak, she kinda prefer it a bit. She never wanted the conflict however if expectation came in the mix she would literally not meet it.

"Hey Shawn, what's up bro?"
A neighbour passing by hailing him.

"Leave some of the food for me okay, soon come back". What the what? This was a practise.

Monica could never understand why it was that as the smell of food hit the atmosphere a neighbour would ask for some not know whether it was enough for who was there.
When Monica stated this to Shawn he was like 'he's just asking for a little bit'.

Monica was pissed, she couldn't prepare something special for him without someone wanting to taste it. Now she had a mind within her mind that she always spoke with, like the rational part of her brain that knew the right.

"Monica's why are you even staying? Why are you putting yourself through all of this? Remember younger Monica the one that didnt settle for bullshit? What happened to you?!"
Monica mind asked her.

Monica really didn't  have any other answer than she loved Shawn, she loved him so much.

So why stay you ask because I am inlove with him, why I put myself through this because I love him.

Monica remembered when we were younger. When she saw men as only being attention givers and she wanted nothing more from them. What happened, she wanted more than attention she wanted someone to love us unconditionally.

'Monica are you sure he loves you unconditionally?' Her mind asked.

Now that was a question Monica wasn't sure she could answer. She always knew she loved him more. When did she get to the point of loving someone this much she didn't even know.

Monica hoped she could wish the feeling away or give them to someone because loving someone more than you loved yourself was a cu...before she could finish her thought Shawn yell for her. She didn't know how long she was standing still communicating with her mind. He must have thought she was going crazy.

"What is it?" Monica ask.

Shawn answered with a question "Don't you smell the fish burning?"

Monica turned around to look at the fish in the pot, she tried to flip it over but it was stuck to the pot, she didn't even smell the burning while she was there conversating with herself.

"Hey only one side of the fish can be eaten" she told Shawn.

Shawn was in the middle of watching a series of Naruto so he didn't hear a thing with his focus on the screen. He didnt have any ear buds in but he still didnt hear.

Monica made the plate and bought it to him. He eat it heartily not caring that he was watching the movie while he allowed the fish to burn.

Monica ate in the room as she wasn't a fan of Naruto. She was bored out of her mind. She needed to keep busy in order not to think about her depress situation. She thought about writing on wattpad but that seemed depressing these day. Was happiness so hard to gain? And who would read her story anyways?!

Why didn't she leave? She had invested so much feelings and didn't wanna start over. She wasn't in the mind frame of wasting time with a small man that didn't know what he wanted.

"But isnt he a small man that doesn't know what he want?!"

Shut up, just shut up and let me think.

Isn't that what we are doing? Her mind asked.

Monica hates when her mind's mind made sense. She didn't realize when she ate off the food. She got up and bought the plate to the sink. Taking up Shawn plate on her way there. He was now asleep in the sofa and Naruto still playing.

Shawn would be doing the dishes that evening as Monica was the one that cooked dinner. She left the plates there, took up his laptop and went to their room to watch One piece, now that was her favorite anime. While watching One piece she was in a whole different world, she was beyond happy and that's the happiness she once felt with Shawn.

Life had changed drastically. Monica could no longer have sex with Shawn peacefully. Her body started blocking him. She knew she wanted him inside her but her body was on the defensive. Each time he entered her it hurt extremely bad hence they didn't have sex for a while.

When they started to have sex again someone always wanted Shawn to do something for them.

Monica was constantly depressed. She was in the mood 3 times during the day and each time he entered her and was hitting the spot just right someone called out for Shawn assistance and they had to stop.

Shawn returned trying to continue from where they left off however Monica was no longer in the mood.

"Three times today!! Hey let's just wait and see if someone else is gonna call you before we start" Monica said defeated

"Hey no one is gonna come now." Shawn retorted.

"You said that each time they came before and look 4 times! Each time when we are having sex!" Monica lamented.

Shawn kept quiet and they talked about any and nothing for 15min or more. They concluded that no-one would call Shawn and they started having mind blowing sex.

"Yes! Harder Shawn! More I need more!!!"

Shawn did as command and sinked his length inside her. She whimpered unable to take his full length.

"More?" Shawn asked with a smirk.

"Yeah, no, just don't stop!!" Monica answered confused. This was the feeling she longed for, the europhia she enjoyed.

"Am coming Shawn! Fuck me harder!" Monica pleaded.

"Shawn man? Shawn?" Someone called from the outside.

Monica face displayed her unhappiness as she reached her climax on a sad note. She pushed Shawn off her.

"Every fucking time!  EVERY FUCKING TIME! Am hardly here and each time am here somebody affi come call you!!! They had you all week!!! Why is it that when we are having sex they wanna came and beg for something?"

"Am sorry" Shawn apologised while getting up.

"Whatever! Me just tired a this!!" Monica turned her back to him while he got dress and went towards the calling.

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