Confessions Of An Overthinker

9. Over the dead

In comparison to my birthday he had everything ready. New shoes, shirt, merina, pants, underpants. Everything was ready for an event he recently knew about. The death of his mom was recent. It had been 2 months and he was ready for the funeral. White was the colour the family was supposed to wear and he had white everything, I hated white but for this occasion I would go cream if I had the chance to.

If we are suppose to get technical he literally knew about my birthday from the first time he disappointed me.

We had been together 9 years hence he had known 8years in advance that my birthday was this year. With a 8year notification how could he not be prepared for the moment? You would be surprised. He found a way not to be. The only thing that was new was a slipper he was hell-bent on buying the morning of my birthday. Again he wasn't prepared for an event he had 8years advance notice of.

To make matters worst my birthday was in Dec. In freaking Dec! He had a whole 11month and couple of days to plan. Yet every year he found new ways to disappoint me. I was done. Done expecting him to get it right. He wouldn't.

He had informed me prior the date of his mom funeral and I was more than interested to attend. It was his mom after all. That woman gave birth to him.

I do not like to be disgraced, I repeat, I do not like to he disgraced. I ensured that I asked the necessary question not to be.

What reason do I have for saying this? Well his girlfriend is led to believe that she is apart of the family and the fact that she wants everyone to know she took my husband. Sigh.

What a title? Husband snatcher! Funny. I can actually hear an African accent there.

"Will she be there?" I asked he acted as though he was dumb so he gave a dumb response.

"She who?" This only got me upset, he had being posting his mom funeral date and everything on his stats and am 1 billion percent positive that he didn't delete her number.

I am really stupid when you analyse the logics. To be in a marriage that one part barely communicate is bound to fail.

The morning of the funeral came and there he was in new clothes from head to toe yet for my birthday. Ahhhh. Let me not go there.

I wanted to go, I really wanted to attend but the fear that she would be there. The fear of seeing her pregnant. The fear that he would never be mine again was too great so I ensured that I asked question to protect my peace incase I went.

Am a sag and a scene must be created for him to know how I feel because I don't believe he understood by me merely saying it to him.

"Shawn am coming okay, and if she comes trust me it's going to be disgraceful!!! So keep her in check" I stated boldly while secretly dying.

Why is it that I had to make these statements? Why did he have to love another? Shouldn't I just leave and count my losses?! Love they say. Why the fuxk was a four letter word so powerful???!!!

"Come if you want to but if she if she wants to come I can't stop her"

"Really Shawn, really?" Did he just completely disregard my feelings?!

He left me in the room and went on the varendar, he was looking for his keys and went toward his car with our son following suit. I followed in shock..went on the varendar in my bathroom and stood there.

"Aren't you going with him?" My mom asked.

"Nope, he doesn't want me to go because his girlfriend might be there". My mom looked at me. She must be wondering what a weak ass woman she raised. She wouldn't have stood for this but here I was in a modern era taking this level of disrespect.

My mom called him before he got in the car and they had a whole conversation about the female and the disrespect. I stayed home protected my peace like a weakling because if you really think about it was I really at peace with the outcome? My mind would conjure up a million scenario and that's what happens when trust is broken.

I apologise for any error but re-reading breaks me. I Monica am a shell of my former self.

Needless to say he went to funeral, got back late and left to supposedly sleep at his home, the home he hadn't slept at in ages because he was now taking up residence at his dad's house.

He even took my child to a female house and got some (foriegn)clothes there then he addressed my son way of speaking because am positive he and the female had a conversation about it. My son often speaks like the Youtubers he watched but he was a child it would grow out of him.

Truth be told I would have loved to gone to his mom funeral and not be on edge but peace of mind isn't something he would grant me. This was just another reason for me to let go. God gave me multiple signs but I failed to heed. Now the pain would last even longer.

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