Broken (One Direction)

Chapter 34

Chapter 34

"Mom this is really good." I said with a mouthful of delicious food. It's been a few weeks since I have been back and each day my mother and grandmother home cooked a meal- I think the clinic suggested it, never the less the food is so good.

"Your welcome sweetie." She said smiling. She had cooked this really good curry and rice that she has never cooked before.

"Mom you have paint on your cheek." I said giggling a little.

"Well you have some on your nose." She retorted. It is nice to have a better relationship with my mother. When I check in at the clinic it is compulsory that once a week I bring my mother and we discuss talking and opening up to each other.

Also, my mother kept her promise and we are remaking my room, so far it's looking really good. We have just painted it a dark purple/burgundy colour and bought fairy lights to drill onto the ceiling, a small, long, black beaded chandelier to light up my desk (which is also brand new- with a really comfy chair to go with it), a small black sofa and a silver mini fridge which is the definition of awesome. I have also bought quite a lot of new books to read and some new rolls of film for my camera; I want to try and get I to old hobbies before I try and look for a new job- there is no way in hell I am going back to where I used to work, the pay was crap and I'm not even going to mention my boss and how much of an arse he was.

It's now time for me to take my night medication so I can go to sleep, the medication helps me sleep and calms down my anxiety while I am sleeping so when I wake up I am feeling slightly refreshed. Luckily now the paint has dried and my room is all done which was pretty quick but I don't really own a lot of things. I took the red and blue pill and started walking upstairs towards my brand new room when my phone buzzed in my jumper pocket.

From Tommy:
Goodnight.x

I quickly typed a vast reply and engulfed myself in the covers. Tommy had been coming around a lot and it would be obvious to anyone we weren't 'just friends' he always had his arm around me and was kissing me on my forehead but I don't know; I like him and I want to be with him but... I don't know. He hasn't pressured me for sex considering I am still a virgin but then again we- I don't know I am overthinking this way too much and the pills are now starting to kick in.

***

"Jay don't forget someone from the clinic is coming over." I nodded my head and carried on eating my breakfast. Instead of visiting the clinic for some of my sessions they come to me- it is complicated but it worked out easier. Ellie hasn't been around either which is really weird, when I asked where she was they just said she had took some time off. I really miss her though.

"Hello Jay, how are today?" The Doctor asked.

"Fine thanks. You?" I asked trying to be polite to the old man.

"Good, thank you." He smiled. "Now today I want to talk about the bullying." Why? Why today?

"O-okay." I half stuttered a reply even though, I doubt if I would have said no he wouldn't have taken any notice.

"What was the cause?" He asked.

"It is a stupid thing really. When we were a lot younger, this boy told Louis I kissed him- when I didn't- and louis just flipped. I guess it was because we were children and it was such a huge 'scandal' back then. I guess the bullying just kind of stuck. I guess he just got angrier and angrier and took it out on me." I said. The actual real reason does sound kind of pathetic even that night he told me there was a mini me inside me head going 'That's a bullshit reason you were pre-pubescent!'.

"I see, well different things mattered when you were a child. You mentioned in your diary that you forgave him when he came around to babysit your little sister. I have two questions: 1) Why did you forgive him so quickly and 2) Why didn't your mother use you as a babysitter?" Two very valid question.

"Okay- I forgave him so quickly because I believe everyone deserves a second chance- within good reason and I figured the quicker I forgive him means there is more time for him to make it up to me and the answer to your second question is I don't know. This was back in the days where we knew where my father was and everything went over her head, I didn't mind but I just thought it had just slipped her mind." I explained.

"Ah." He nodded. "Why did the bullying start again?" He asked.

"Again, it is really childish and pathetic but this reason is social status. An extremely mean girl told him the day after we made up that if he didn't beat me up she would 'ruin him'. We were young but after that I just wanted to stay away from him."

"How do these reasons make you feel when you think about them?" He asked.

"A mixture of feelings- I feel angry because of how stupid they are and how they affected my life so much- my health! But then I feel sad to think I put my family through hell because of something so pathetic. And then I just want to burst out laughing because of how stupid and pathetic they are."

"What about your father?" He asked.

"He was lost on a mission. He is in the army- I wear his dog tags." I said quite bluntly.

"How does that make you feel?" He asked.

"Sad because it feels like I have just lost him, I don't worry about where he is because it just feels like he is gone."

"I think we will end on that note today Jay. You have been making a lot of progress. I'm pretty certain you're on a safe road to recovery."

"Thank you and I sure hope so- I don't want to miss anymore of Lucy's life." I explained.

After, Louis came around to see me which I didn't mind.

"I wanted to invite you and Tommy to a cabin Eleanor and I love down in the countryside. Its in the middle of nowhere but it is a great retreat and there is a small town. Would you like to come? Its next month before we go on tour." He asks. It sounds intriguing.

"I will have to ask the clinic and Tommy but it sounds good." I smiled.

It will all be fine- wont it?

•

A/N

So this is a really short chapter and I am really sorry but I knew I needed to update something but I hoped you liked it regardless.

DEDICATION TO:@5secondsoffanfic (which is an awesome name by the way)!

GUESS THE SONG:
'All my life l've been good but now woah I'm thinking what the hell, all I want is to mess around...'

~Jadey6688