I usually liked packing but today I hated it.
Packing often meant you were going away on vacation so I never minded doing it. You were supposed to be happy when you went away. But I was miserable.
I didn’t want to go to George’s brother's house. I just wanted to stay at home and mope in my room – was that too much to ask?
Instead, I’d been roped into going on a long weekend break. To be fair, the way George described it, it sounded like a fun weekend. His brother and sister-in-law had an amazing house by the beach a few hours away up the coast. Surfing – not that I was any good at it – paragliding and jet-skiing were all on the agenda. It was looking like a busy weekend, sort of a perfect celebration for the end of school.
I’d handed in my final paper last week, definitely not my best work, and George just had a couple more tests next week but he didn’t seem to give much of a shit about studying for them. As far as I knew, college wasn’t in his future plans anyway, he just wanted to pass high school and never waste his time on another book again as he put it.
I wish I could be as casual as he was when he thought about the future. Whenever I thought, I just felt queasy. I only had a few weeks left to make a decision and it felt like the walls were closing in around me. I was probably making it worse by constantly putting it off. My mind only had room to focus on one thing at the moment.
I sighed loudly as I tucked some swimming shorts into my bag. Remi and George insisted that I go. They said I’d been round the house too much which wasn’t actually true. I’d been very busy this week.
After hastily completing my essay last week I was essentially a free man. I never had to go back to the school again. I didn’t hate it there really – I’d had some great times there over the years. Right now, it was just too hard.
I was one of the lucky few to be off the hook. Remi, Tara and Kyle were having constant study groups in our living room. Tara was definitely headed for college but Remi and Kyle were more similar to George – albeit more serious – and just wanted to actually pass high school. I’d managed to not get dragged into helping any of them study again, I’m guessing Remi was still traumatised from last time. As was I.
Still, it felt strange being the odd one out – I should be getting used to it by now. Everyone was so focused on school and I felt almost forgotten about. I was glad. No more nagging, no more worried looks. I’d had the last week to myself.
I’d not spent it idly either. I went from the top to the very bottom of my list, starting at the carnival.
I’d driven there on Sunday night, knowing that it would be the last place I’d want to go but going nonetheless. It was very strange going to a carnival – somewhere you were supposed to be having fun – when you were not at all in a good frame of mind and had no intention of having fun.
I felt like an outsider as I’d threaded my way through the crowd of mainly parents and young kids. I didn’t quite know where I’d been going and my feet seemed to take control. I ended up looking up at the roller coaster we’d gone on. Soul Snatcher. How ironic. The hooded figure with a scythe guarding the entrance looked more menacing now than it had before. I wondered if she’d thought so too.
There wasn’t much comfort to be found at the carnival it turned out. The sweet smell of cotton candy and popcorn turned my stomach and I had no desire to go on any rides or play games. I was just a weird guy wandering through the crowd with no real idea why I was here.
That had been the first of many failures this past week. I remembered everything yet couldn’t find any hints or clues to her whereabouts no matter where I looked.
