Anybody But You

33

Chapter Thirty-Three

Vibe: Monster by dodie

Alice's blue eyes widened as she wondered if she was hallucinating.

Snapping out of that thought, she rushed over to her wheezing father, helping to support him as she gestured for the servant to help. "More on that later. First let's get you to your room—what were you doing, old man?" She chastised.

"My... study." Her father coughed out.

As they made their way to the study across the hall, her father's breath began to grow stronger as he ordered the extra hands away.

"Please get us a flute of water and some drinking glasses," she whispered to the servant before sitting opposite of her father in the sitting area in his study.

Rubbing his aging face with his hands, he exhaled loudly as Alice stared at him, "Please stop looking at me like I'm about to die, Alice, I'm fine." He rested his elbows on his knees, "I wanted to make sure I got home before you went to bed." He explained, "I'm old, I haven't exercised for a minute or two."

A bubble of a laugh rolled off of Alice's lips before she could stop it. Covering her smile with her hand she tried to leave him some dignity.

The duke quirked a white brow up at her and leaned back into the armchair, "Shall we talk then, daughter?"

Leaning back into a similar position, Alice nodded, "I would like that very much, father."

His lips quirked up before with another sigh, his face fell, aging him immediately. "After thinking about everything, I've come to the conclusion that I have hurt you gravely, my dear."

Alice nodded, bitting at her bottom lip. "Yes, you have."

"I've been a cold and distant figure to you and I've used the death of your mother as a reason." He articulated stoically, "If your mother was here now to see this, I'm afraid she'd be grossly disappointed in my behaviour towards you."

Alice looked down at her bandaged hands, she was glad he was acknowledging it, but it still didn't change anything in the past. No matter what she did now, she couldn't get back a childhood with him in it.

"Do you regret it?" She mumbled, "Missing out on my childhood?"

Her father was quiet as she waited for an answer with her eyes peeled on the hands she very badly wanted to clench.

"I can't go back in time, Alice." He answered rather softly, "Even if I regret it, it doesn't change a thing, does it? All I can do now is try to do better."

It wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear—but she also didn't expect her father to break down in tears and scream in agony out of regret while begging for her forgiveness on his knees. So she'd take it.

She nodded, sniffing as she blinked back the threatening tears—she was really getting sick of crying. Once composed she looked up, his face tired and sad.

Alice took a deep breath before asking the question that was making her heart ache, "Why did you try to marry me off to a man with such horrible rumours surrounding him?" She slowly enunciated each word so that her voice wouldn't shake.

Her father carefully grabbed the glass of water that the servant prepared for them, taking a large gulp before answering, "You were right at the luncheon." He finally spoke with a shaking voice.

It broke Alice's heart to hear it. She already knew it, but it broke her a little bit regardless.

He continued as he avoided her saddened eyes, "I should have only been thinking about you when I considered your marriage with the prince. I believed you'd have a prosperous life at the palace as a princess, and chose to ignore the rumours." Looking at her again, she could see the regret in his grey eyes, "I should have been thinking about your happiness with the prince as your partner, but instead I was thinking about my business and materialistic gains like how you'd be comfortable living at a palace. I became blind to whether or not the prince was a good man that would treat you well." He dipped his head, holding his hands behind his neck, "I treated you like you were a business deal, not my irreplaceable daughter."

Alice closed her eyes with knitted brows, feeling the wound in her heart throb.

God, she thought bitterly, why did everything have to hurt so much?

"Alice, I know i've hurt you." Her father spoke, "and that i've caused a lot of irreparable damage to our relationship." He reached out and grabbed her hand as she kept her eyes closed with a crumbling, broken expression. "I've failed at being your father for your entire life. I've missed almost every important milestone you've made up to now. And i've almost made a grave mistake that would have hurt you beyond repair—"

As he said the words, Alice wondered if her father was right. Was she beyond repair? Had Narcisse and everything about her past life, ruined any future happiness for her, even here? Right when things were getting better, would she always end up back in the abyss of darkness? Would she always be struggling to crawl out of it?

"—all I can ask for, Alice," he interrupted the dark thoughts swirling around her head, "is that you let me show you I can do better."

Alice opened her eyes, seeing her father's face morphed into a desperate expression. She gently removed his warm grasp, squeezing his large hand in hers as she memorized the way it felt to hold his hand before letting go of it.

Swallowing as the numbness began to settle in her bones and a heavy daze slipped over her, she opened her mouth to speak, "I... need some time to think about it."

He nodded clearing his throat as he sat up and fixed his jacket, "You can have all the time you want. However, it would be convenient if you stayed here as you do... Missy was very lonely without you."

Nodding with a small smile at the mention of her maid, she stood up, "I'll retire now then. Good night, father."

"I hope you have good dreams, Alice."

As Alice walked away, she was sure her sleep would consist of nothing but silent, numbing darkness. Because Alice suddenly seemed to not be able to feel anything, as if she had never actually escaped death at all...

It had just been waiting.

~*~*~

A.N.

The psychological toll is coming to be paid... She just went through so much past trauma. It's no wonder she's now dissociating away from her feelings. I'm sorry, Alice! When you feel ready, I hope you keep fighting.

Thank you for reading!

What do you think of her father? Should she forgive him? What about Narcisse? Would you forgive people who had hurt you in another life? Idk if I could...