A Month to Love

A Month to Love (40)

‘Gee, thanks,’ I retorted, jumping up as the bell went and sweeping all of my stuff into my backpack.

‘Where are you rushing off to?’ Liam asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘Just got to check something. I’ll see you in the cafeteria?’ I added, not waiting to hear their responses.

I headed in the opposite direction of said cafeteria; it wasn’t easy fighting through the tide of other students but eventually I ended up in the near deserted hallway as planned. Now just to remember which classroom we’d been in those weeks ago.

I checked in a couple before finding the one I was looking for. We’d been late for class that day because I’d kidnapped her away from the others just to get a little alone time with her. Thinking back now, I’d been somewhat out of my mind. I hadn’t realised I’d loved her then.

The chalk board had been wiped clean since we’d been in here. Our initials and outlines that we’d drawn were gone. I was hoping they’d still be here. No-one really came into these old classrooms except to get spare chairs or school supplies. And once again I was left wondering whether the last month had even happened.

Disappointed, I left, but not for the cafeteria. I didn’t think I was quite ready to sit around the table and pretend everything was fine. And if the others did ask questions, I wasn’t prepared to answer them. Not today anyway. Maybe not ever.

George and Remi had given up pestering me. Tara knew something was up but she was kind enough not to ask. I’m pretty sure she’d been the one to tell the others to leave me alone too. I was glad that at least one person understood that constant questions only made things worse for me.

I found myself outside, walking around to the back of the school until I was standing in front of the fire stairs which led to the roof. Well, I doubted she’d be hiding up there but at least I could for a half hour.

I wound my way up the metal steps and once I reached the top, I sat down on one of the metal air vents. It was warm up here. No breeze or anything. Good beach weather. But instead of feeling inspired, I just felt tired.

I leant back on the vent and let out a huff of air.

Only a few more days to go as far as school was concerned. Next week I’d be free. I didn’t know whether that was a good thing or not. I did hate being here, but I hated being alone with my thoughts more. I was confused to say the least. Whenever I was with Remi or Kyle or any of the others, I’d be counting down the seconds until I was alone again, but when I was alone, I craved some kind of company.

I did not like being confused. Especially now when I had so many decisions to make. I’d been trying to prepare for the future, college, football, scholarships but all my plans had her in it. I didn’t even want to think about starting from square one. If I started again, that would mean I’d have to accept she was never coming back. Even now she could be-

Don’t think about that.

How could I not? It was all I could think about. Instead of researching my final paper that I had to submit, I’d been looking up anything and everything to do with cancer. Mortality rates, recovery rates. The outlook didn’t look good. Even if you caught it early on, which clearly didn’t happen in her case, there was always a possibility it could come back. She’d never really had a chance.

It wasn’t fair.

It sounded so childish and naive but it was just true. All I had to hang onto was the tiniest bit of hope that I could still find her before it was too late. I had to much I wanted to say, wanted her to know. I'd had so much time yet not enough with her.