Us Against the World (Louisiana Series #5)

Kabanata 18

18 – Bad

I ran.. I ran and ran until I got home. I was crying and my heart was breaking. I didn't know what to do when Dad came running to my room, knocking at my door. I pushed him away and told him I don't want to talk. Nanginginig ang kamay ko nang hilahin ang notebook sa ilalim ng unan ko. Iilang patak ng luha ang tumulo ro'n. My heart is crushed and all I can do to mend it is read.. 

I'll read until seeing him won't be as painful as it is now. I'll read until my mind realizes that it's different now. And the memories we had will stay in the past.. No matter how much I try, it will stay there.

August 15th, 

Find what you love and let it kill you.. 

This quote has always been my favorite. Especially when I discovered that Zachary also used the same quotations from the same author. What kind of coincidence is that? Is it fate? 

I don't know, to be honest.. What I know is I'm happy, but I can't tell everyone about it. I want to scream what's inside my chest, but I'm afraid no one would listen to me.. Maybe that's why I keep everything in this notebook.. People are too busy looking at faults, so they fail noticing little victories that need to be celebrated. 

Today, I heard Mom crying in their room. I know it's about Cassandra again. I wanted to ask Zachary about it, but he's right. What does it have to do with us? Because at the end of the day, you can't fight for a person who doesn't want to be fought for. Maybe it's time to admit that my parent's marriage is deteriorating.. And even if it's painful, all I can do is accept it because I have no control over it. If they decide to finally let go, I have no choice but to do the same.. 

But at least, I have someone who'll stay by my side. We've been together for a week, but then, being separated from him is just.. painful.. 

I pursed my lips and started reading my entry last week. Pinigil ko ang ngiti ko habang nakaupo sa damuhan ng Sunken Garden. I was wearing jeans so it was fine. I ran out of skirts today. Pinadulas ko ang hintuturo ko sa dulo ng pahina. It's been a week.. And until now, no one knows.. 

"What's up?" 

Agad tumalon ang puso ko nang marinig ang boses ni Rihann sa gilid ko. I closed the notebook and immediately hide it inside my bag. Nanginginig ang kamay ko habang peke siyang nginingitian. She frowned and sat down beside me. 

"W-what? What do you mean?" 

"What do I mean?" tanong niya pabalik. "You look startled." 

Umiling ako at umiwas ng tingin. I inhaled deeply and tried to watch other students who was playing frisbee. Hinawi ko ang buhok ko at ngumiti ulit kay Rihann. Her eyes were still on me. 

"You okay?" 

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" 

"I don't know. You look happily nervous.." ngumiwi siya. "You know what I mean? Happy but nervous?" 

Pagak akong tumawa at hindi kinamot ang batok ko. Halata ba ako? I never said anything to her. Imposibleng mahahalata niya iyon. She haven't even seen Zachary and I together since we went back here in Manila. 

"I'm not nervous." I denied. 

She shrugged and opened her bag to take her burger out. Sinundan ko iyon nang tingin. She hungrily bite it before glancing at me again. I bit my lower lip. Speaking of lips.. 

"Do you and Nathan kiss?" 

Halos maubo siya sa naging tanong ko. Agad namula ang pisngi ko nang kunin niya ang tumbler ko para doon uminom. Hinayaan ko siya ngunit lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko sa hiya.