Us Against the World (Louisiana Series #5)

Simula

Simula 

Find what you love and let it kill you. 

That is what the German-American poet and novelist Charles Bokowski said. I can't help but think about his quote as I sit in the corner of the large and old music house, fingers sliding down the white and black keys of the grand piano, eyes closed and heart shattered.

I can't help but to agree. 

At some point in life, everyone is going to die. All of us will be dead. And this line reminds me to make my life worthwhile. To pursue a life well lived. If I am going to die.. then it should be because of something I love. 

Something I cherish, something I care deeply about.. Something I am vulnerable to, or something that has hurt me in the past that I am willing to accept and hurt me again.. Something I have a great connection to. 

If I am going to die, I want it to be for love. 

People might say I am stupid.. that I am too focused on emotions in this world who doesn't care about anyone or anything else but themselves. But love isn't an emotion. Love is something I cannot explain. Still, I have faith in it. 

It might be stupid to some, but it's brave to me. That I have a big heart, that I love harder than the others. I look at them past the pain they have caused me, and I love hard. 

"Julie.." 

I heard his voice behind me, still I didn't open my eyes. I wasn't even looking at the music sheet to be able to play this again after two years. As my fingers pressed to each of the keys, black and white, I can't help but to feel the pain this piece has brought me. And I am welcoming it with open arms. 

"You're lost at it again." 

All of my thoughts vanish as soon as I open my eyes. I haven't finished the piece yet, but I took my hands away from the keys to prevent myself from continuing. As he sat down next me, a faint smile came on my lips.

"Sorry.. I got carried away." I said. 

He gave me a nod and locked his gaze on my face. After that, his eyes turned to the keys. He made a sound by pressing his index finger to the black key, F# Gb. My sight was drawn to his finger as he pushed another key, this time the white one next to it, F E#.

"Moonlight Sonata, huh? Is that your favorite piece?" 

"Yeah.." 

I ran my fingers to the keys again, seeming like playing something, but I wasn't inserting even a light of a force against it so it wouldn't produce any sound. It's been a long time since I played. 

"Does that have a deep meaning?" 

"What do you mean?" I asked, demanding clarity. 

"You always have different views about things. I noticed you're deeper than most people.." he replied. "So, is there a reason why that's your favorite piece?" 

A deep meaning.. I have my own personal interpretation of this song, but I don't think he should know it. I didn't answer him immediately. He let out a little laugh and pressed his arm against mine. 

"A little information about it wouldn't hurt, right?" 

I slowly nodded. I pressed my lips together as I inhaled deeply. It felt like I am going to share a secret even if I won't. And what's wrong with sharing a secret with him? 

"It's the Piano Sonata No. 14 in C-sharp minor, Op.27, No. 2, by Ludwig Van Beethoven. It was published in 1802, entitled Sonata quasi una Fantasia.. But it's known today as Moonlight Sonata because Ludwig Rellstab stated that it reminded him of the moon over Lake Lucerne."