Vicious Submissive (BoyxBoy)

Soulmates: Leo POV

I rocked Cy as he slowly fell back to sleep. It was about 5 AM and he'd woken up screaming. He didn't really remember what he was dreaming about, which meant this was more of a night terror than an actual nightmare. It'd still taken a while to calm him down a bit before I was able to start coaxing him back to sleep. As I did so, I questioned whether I should have stopped him from reading those reports yesterday. Did that trigger this? Could I have prevented it if I stopped him? I buried my face in his hair as his body relaxed against mine with soft, rhythmic breaths. I sighed quietly. If anything, I was more worried about the interview he was going to have with the council representative. If this happened from reading some reports, what would happen after he talked about it? About the things he experienced and saw? He would have to be much more in-depth than he was with me. When he spoke with them, it would be similar to a testimony rather than a summary.

Thinking about it made me nervous and worried; my wolf continuously pacing in the back of my mind. I carefully pulled him into my lap as my eyes stung slightly. I don't want him to have to keep reliving his past. Keep dredging it up over and over and over again. It's like he never has a chance to even try to move on. I laid on my back with my baby held against my chest; my arms around him protectively. Why did he have to suffer? Why his pack out of all the packs? His family out of all the families? My mate out of all the mates? It felt so unfair that he would forever be tortured by something so out of his control. He didn't deserve to have his happiness tainted like this, and I felt so useless about it sometimes. Like now. Was I even helping him with anything at all? Did my presence even help a little? I feel so inadequate...

 "Leo?"

My eyes widened, and I looked down to see crystal blue eyes looking at me seriously. Did I wake him when I moved?

 "I'm so-"

 "You are not inadequate or useless, Leonitus."

I blinked in surprise and he continued, his eyes becoming slightly glossy,

 "You're everything to me. Being near you, with you; I feel like nothing can stay horrible forever. Like there's always a possibility for something better. Without you, I never would have felt that way. I never would have felt worth something; worth anything. I never would have felt free, or loved, or wanted, or like I was moving towards something better. Every setback is a sign of progress, because if I wasn't moving forwards how the hell would I be able to move backward? Don't you ev-"

His voice broke as a tear rolled down his face and more filled his eyes,

 "Don't you ever say that you're not helping or that you're useless! You're negating all the progress we've made, all the positive things that have happened to me since I've met you! Don't lie to yourself like that when I don't feel that way at all...do you know where I'd be if we hadn't found each other? Because I don't think it would have been anywhere good...maybe not even on this plane of existence...and I'm not saying that I'm all healed because that's obviously a lie, but I'm not how I was. I'm slowly getting better in some ways and working towards getting through the other things. That wouldn't be possible without knowing that you're always by my side. Even if we were apart, we're still connected. Knowing that makes me stronger and I'm sorry if I don't-"

He sobbed, and I pulled him to my chest; tears falling from my own eyes as he struggled to keep speaking,

 "I-I'm sorry...if I don't always-.....always express it properly....I-"

I held him close as I rocked and hushed him. I was so caught up in my self-doubt I must have broadcasted everything through our link. A part of me felt so guilty for bringing my baby to tears, while another part of me was slightly relieved that he'd found out. I knew I would have allowed it to fester in hopes of not burdening him any more than he already was. It wouldn't have been healthy for our relationship, but I didn't want him to find out like this either. Not after he'd just had a night terror and was worrying about his interview on top of the problem with the ferals. He wrapped his arms around my neck, straddling me; his legs wrapped around my waist as he spoke quietly next to my ear,

 "Promise me that you'll never hold thoughts like that to yourself. You help me so much...I want to help you too. We should always try to help each other, support each other, be each other's rocks. Isn't that what it means to be each other's partner? To be each other's soulmates?"

I nodded against his cheek as I sniffled. He was right. Cy needed my support with many things, but I wasn't all-powerful or all-knowing. I needed help, support, and encouragement as well. Not sharing my doubts with Cy; not taking the time to talk about my feelings with him the way he does with me, what does that say about how I view our relationship? It's like I don't trust him the way he trusts me. I might be trying to protect him, but the way I'm doing it is all wrong. I kissed his wet cheek and neck,

 "I'm sorry, Cyrus. I didn't mean to not come to you. I-...I want to put a shield around you to make up for not being able to stop or reverse all the things you've been through; I don't want to add to it with my own problems. I only want you to experience happy things, but that's unrealistic and selfish, in a way. What was taken away from you was a chance at a normal life. I should be helping you experience that normal life together with me. Normal life has ups and downs and not experiencing those with you-...when I think about it, I feel so sad. You're right. Soulmates experience these things together, rely on each other, and support each other. I promise to always come to you because I love you and trust you with my everything the same way I know you do with me. I love you, Cyrus, and I'm so sorry..."

He leaned back and studied my face with a gentle gaze and a soft smile; carefully placing his hands on the sides of my face as the pads of his thumbs wiped away my tear trails. His lips met mine passionately. Slightly pulling away, he spoke against my lips,

 "We love each other, Leo. So you never have to apologize because I know that the things you do come from a place of love. We love each other so much that sometimes we have to remind ourselves that the other person loves us just as much and that's okay, because no relationship or person is perfect, but it's those imperfections that make it so uniquely beautiful. It's the imperfections about us that I love the most."

I could only smile at him; my hands resting securely on his waist as his eyes briefly flashed pale blue, showing his wolf was in agreement with everything he said. Carefully, I laid my forehead against his. How fortunate was I to be able to love someone like him? I leaned forward and kissed him hard with all the love, affection, and adoration that I felt for him. I was too fortunate. I really didn't deserve him and I'll never let him go.