It's the pain that keeps me alive

19

A lot has happened in the past couple of months:

I'll start with me and Bucky. We both reside we wanted to take things further. We really liked each other and wanted to make things more official. I decide we'd take things slow we've been out a couple of times, still haven't had sex, I wanted to wait. I know he is supportive but i'm still not ready to reveal that i'm not self harm clean.

We decided not to tell anyone, we wanted to see where it would go by our self's without the external pressure of everyone being so invested in our relationship. Not only that but i've got a strong feeling certain people wouldn't approve. Them being an especially overprotective father.

Speaking of dad, we made up. I went over after the dinner and sat down with my parents again. I didn't tell them everything but I made it sound like I had. I apologised for everything I had said and done. We ended up talking for a really long time.

For the remaining time of those few months I made it look like I was getting better. Spending time with the team. Training. Getting involved. Being social. And I think everyone even Bucky bought it.

...

"hey kid, can I talk to you for a sec"

"yeah sure what's up?"

"well being Tony Stark, I do like a party, and I wanted to have one to celebrate the new year"

"ooo who'd of thought, my dad being a party animal"

"ha, don't mock me, anyways I wanted to run it by you since the last one didn't end up too well"

"you mean the one where I did a shit tonne of drugs and everyone found out and sent me to rehab?" I let out a nervous laugh because I knew I had just made it very awkward.

"why do you want to run it by me anyhow?"

"well just didn't want to make you uncomfortable since the last one didn't end up well, but my point is if you didn't want me to have one, which I'm totally fine with by the way, I wont. I don't want to bring up any bad memories or anything like that."

"thank you for thinking of me, but I'm totally fine go ahead it will be fun. Nice to let lose a bit after all the shit that i've put people through."

"nobody thinks of you like that and nobody blames you in anyway for everything that has gone down and thanks for the go ahead it means a lot, and look normally I make things like this mandatory for people that live in the tower, but do t feel any pressure to come"

"don't worry, i'll be there!" I gave him a soft smile before I left for the 'my' room also known as Bucks room. We had planned to have a movie night, yes it's a bit risky being together together in the tower but as long as there are locks on the doors we are safe to do as we please.