It's the pain that keeps me alive

7

TW: drugs

It was the day of the party, Wanda, Yelena and I were all getting changed together. Well when I say we I mean them, I went into the bathroom and got dressed separately.

Wanda was wearing a stunning velvet red high low dress and Yelena wore a fucking handsome all black suit. Nat joined us wearing a silk maxi dress. We all took turns doing each others hair and makeup and listening to music until it got dark out and the event was about to start.

Fast forward to the party everyone was standing around tables and bouncing around the bar, making a lot of useless small talk. I really didn't want to be here. I moved myself to the bar, sat at a stool and waved over a shot. I took one. Then another. And another. 4. 5... until I lost count.

Now a little back track onto my reputation, everyone on the team saw me as the infamous lost daughter, the small innocent child who had been returned to her loving family. They look passed how messed up in the head I am, they don't notice i'm high almost every time I talk to them, they don't know how every night and day I contemplate death. But that doesn't matter to them because i'm the perfect lost daughter that came home.

I felt a hand pull me up onto the dance floor. I was lost in an embrace of people, I could barely move. But I liked it, there was no judgement. I jumped and I spun, allowing the alcohol to take full control of me. The lights blazed and every flash held a freeze frame of elation. It was fun because I couldn't feel anything.

I began to dance with someone, I couldn't tell who but we just kept on moving. Next thing I knew I was being hauled to the corner of the room. It was Bucky.

"y/n, I think you've had enough to drink"

"what?"

"I said, I think you've had enough to drink?"

"no, I heard what you said, but you, you don't get to dictate my life." I screamed over the loud music. My anger took him by surprise and he seemed to get upset.

"I think you should sit down, here come with me" But I remained still as I could feel tears begin to dribble down my face.

"Y/N! what's wrong?" truth be told I didn't actually know why I was crying but I was angry.

"you, just stop, please stop, leave me alone, just leave me alone please just let me go back to my life" I ran out the exit leaving him startled and confused.

I escaped to my room, pulled up my loose floorboard and searched my stash and found a bag of fentanyl. I didn't bother to shut my door or fix the floorboard back in place, I just needed the freedom it gave me. I ran my arm over the top of my desk clearing it of unnecessary clutter and throwing it all to the floor. I rolled up my sleeves and used the end of a lighter to crush the pills in the bag into a thin, white powder. I poured the whole bag out and lined everything up. My heart was beating so fast in anticipation. i pulled my hair back into a claw clip and inhaled. Again and again, holding my nose and feeling the buzz rush through my body and the feeling of pure bliss begin to spread. I was about to do another, but then...

"what the fuck y/n?"