Always And Forever

Conversations

Sumedh felt his breathing getting uneven and a big knot in his stomach as he reached back in his bedroom. Hating Rudransh was hard and keeping him at a distance was harder.

Rudransh didn't know what was happening. Sumedh knew there was zero fault of him yet whenever he looked at him he was reminded of Gopika's behavior.

This was becoming everyday scene. Ridhi was growing suspicious but Sumedh knew he wasn't supposed to say anything.

Swamini entered in room and looked at him. He was disturbed and was breathing strange. His forehead was filled with sweat.

"Are you okay?" She ran ahead and asked.

Sumedh tried to take a deep breath but failed. He coughed and sat down on ground.

"Do you have asthama or something?" Swamini asked.

"No" Sumedh told "This happens to me.. I am having a panic attack.. I need my anti anxiety pill"

"Where is it?" Swamini asked "I'll get it for you"

Sumedh pointed towards a cabinet. She went there and found a bottle with his name written on it.

Swamini came back and gave him a tablet. It was a tiny one so he gulped it without water. She sat beside him.

They kept quiet for sometime. Sumedh felt the pill working. He felt his thoughts abruptly stopping and his heart beat lowering. Knot in his stomach was loosening and his breathes were getting back to normal.

"Are you okay now?" She asked.

Sumedh nodded "I am okay"

Swamini didn't know what to say so she just kept quiet.

"I have panic attacks.. It's been few years now" Sumedh said "Not often though.."

"Why are you so anxious?" Swamini asked.

Sumedh took a deep breath and said "I don't know really.. I mean.. Of course I was scammed by a woman I adored the most.. My trust was broken.. And anything related to her act.. Her deceitful act makes me anxious"

"Saheb" She turned toward him and said "If you feel that way by looking at Rudransh then why not after looking at me? I mean I was a main part of it. You had to marry me"

"Rudransh matters to me Swamini.. He's my brother.. I may be repeating this but I was twenty two when he was born we somehow have a different bonding here.. I don't know you.. I didn't know you when we got married.. Rudransh ki baat se farak padta hai. Uska aur mera bonding alag hai"

Sumedh was brutally honest.. Like extreme brutally honest. He straight away told her that she still doesn't matter to him. Swamini lowered her lashes.

It was late when Sumedh realised his mistake. He cleared his throat and looked at her.

"I am sorry Swamini.. I didn't mean it that way" Sumedh said "You're a sweet girl but.. Jin halat me hamari shaadi hui hai.. I don't think it's easy for us to adjust with each other.. Besides I believe you're also a victim of this situation.. So I don't look at you like you're with my mother.."

"I understand" Swamini said "But Rudransh baccha hai.. Aapne jaise abhi mujhe samjhaya aur main samajh gayi waise uska nahi hone wala.. Use nahi samajh aayega ki achank aisa kya ho gaya ki aap badal gaye"

Sumedh sighed.

"Saheb main janti hoo aapki jindagi me meri kya jagah hai.. Main kabhi usse jyada aagey jane ki koshish nahi karungi" Swamini said.

Sumedh furrowed his brows "Matlab?"

"I know you plan to divorce me" Swamini said.

Sumedh was shocked. He was frozen. He kept looking at her with widened eyes.