Her Silent Scream

Brown eyed

When a beautiful smile break on her lips,
I feel like I was in heaven,
So desperate to find her missing heart,
I lost my one in the deep ocean of her eyes...

I shot open my eyes, as I am breathing heavily and fully covered in my sweat. My eyes got teary as I again had the same nightmare. It's been always tough for me to fall asleep, I have to struggle every night to fall asleep peacefully. Even if I fall asleep this nightmare disturb me every night.
With trembling hands I took a glass of water and drank it in one shot. I again saw that, it's been almost 3 years but still it feels like it's just happened right in front of me. I can't get over it, everytime I had a nightmare about that incident I feel the same pain same emotion same fear .
It's been years but still the intensity of that incident is same...I still get panic attack whenever that night flash in my mind. As I am deep in my thoughts thinking about that incident, I felt like my heart beat is increasing and I am started trembling, it's getting hard for me to breath my whole surrounding is spinning, I felt dizzy I tried to take long breath but it's doesn't feel like calming me. My panic attack is hitting again,
After lots of struggle I calmed down a little , repeating to my self that I am okay, it's just for a moment, you are strong daisy... breath just breath everything is alright. With shaky hands I took my pills and gulped them down, yeah they help me to calm down after the things seems uncontrollable. They were prescribed by the doc as I diagnosed with PTSD post traumatic stress disorder 2 years back .
Its 3 in the morning, I get up from bed trying to ease my unstable breathing.. I peaked outside the window, it's beautiful...there is a calm silence muffled with the silent flowing morning breeze... Sky is looking gorgeous, the stars feels like beautiful printing design on the black velvet, it's always been breathtaking to see the beauty of the sky in the midnight, when everyone is immersed in the sweet sleep... I have been always obsessed with this stars, moon and the unimaginable calming aura of the night sky... I always observed the night view from my window, whenever I got those nightmare and I feel like loosing my sense , it always calmed me down...
I took my tape recorder and clicked the song which was used to be sang by my mom " Fly me to the moon " .Her calm voice perfectly matched with the rythm of the song...its been always my favorite to listen her singing, whenever I had a nightmare and I can't sleep I used to listen it. And look it's feel like my mom is here with me slowly I drifted to my sleep.
I woke up in the morning and did my morning routine, I am totally looking like panda. I have to do a marathon to my college as I am again late, while holding bread in my mouth and locking the door I almost ran from there. Ana messaged me that she is not feeling well so, she is going to skip the classes, I shook my head, why this girl always get sick? it's her almost 4 th time skipping the classes in single month.
As I am walking down the street still busy in my thoughts , I heard a boy calling my name, I am shocked like how the fuck he knows my name!!! , I am still in my thoughts when I again herd my name, I slowly turn around only to meet the two beautiful pair of eyes...the boy is quite handsome, he have dark brown eyes with a tint of innocence and something which I can't recognize, sharp nose, his smooth black hairs covering his forehead , perfectly build body his veiny arm showing the hard work he did in the gym. I am shamelessly staring at him through my thick frame until he again called me and I snap back to reality. My heart is beating like it is going to explode at any moment. Y.. Yes, I shuttered and become red in embarrassment like why the hell I am shuttering. The boy smiled looking at my red face, oh my god I almost got a heart attack by his charming smile.
Hey daisy are you listening to me?, I again embarrassed myself in front of him. Right now I want to dig a whole and hide myself from this handsome boy... God why I am like this.. I wiped my imaginary tears mentally...After getting my self together I asked, ' umm... Excuse me, may I know you... How do you know my name? .
the boy stared at me for a Moment and lifted his corner of lips with a smile , ' hiii myself John and I am in the same class as you' I was shocked like what on the moon I don't know him !!! (it's earth but I like moon soo...😁please adjust) and then reality hit me😅 I am always quite in class, I don't even have single friend , and of course beside that bullying shit I am always busy in my studies.
'Umm.... Sorry but I didn't saw you in class, ' I said with little guilt. John laughed and said,' how will you be able to notice me as you are always busy in your studies and don't talk to even a single person in class;
Right now I wish this ground swallow me...is he embarrassing me or talking the facts...i don't know..
' by the way I want your help. Will you please help me? I am so weak in math, and you always top in that subject please help me , ' he said while showing his puppy eyes. I hesitated at first but noded my head seeing his puppy eyes. Yeah puppy eyes is my weakness 😐. I started to walk away leaving John behind, John jogged to me and started walking with me, I looked at him with a shocked face , isn't he is embarrassed to walk with me? , don't he think that I am cheap and ugly, is he comfortable to talk a nerd like me? . Thoughts were flooding my mind, it's 1st time that someone is talking with me nicely beside ana and on top of that he is such a handsome boy.
I shrugged and again started to walk John is talking nonstop and asking me different question, I am just nodding my head and saying yes and no to him.
As we entered the college everyone is looking weirdly at me and started gossiping,I tried to ignore them but I can't. I slowly looked at John he seem to not bothered by the stares and gossip around us. Our eyes mate and I looked away. 'Hey daisy which subject do you have? . I mumbled English, not looking at him.
Oh! I have history, I just noded and left to my class. John is still standing there looking at the disappearing figure,in an instant his calm aura changed into the dark one, he looked at the students with the dark gaze which were gossiping about them just a moment before, they gulped looking at the death stare of John and left the place as possible as they can. My eyes again gazed at the way where that small figure disappeared , I sighed and went to my history classes.

It's almost luch time, as bell ringed I marched towards canteen, I scanned whole area but I didn't found the one I am looking for , daisy. She is not here, I very well know that were I can find her , with that I made my way towards rooftop. I slowly opened the door, and there she is sitting all alone staring at the sky with lots of unreadable emotions on her face. Seems like that shit again bully her, this time I am not going to spare him.
I slowly walked towards her and cleared my throat. She flinched and looked up. "This is your favorite place right! " I said with a smile. Her eyes got wider , I Chukled at her cute expression. Still with wide eyes she said, 'how do you know that this is my favorite place ? ", I laughed, ' you know I have magical powers, I can read people mind...' Her beautiful eyes again got wider, I just laughed at her surprised expression,
' I just guessed, ' I said not wanting the cute girl to confuse more..she made O face and again looked down.
' I was searching for you in that whole dam canteen, ' I said with a little pout. She lifted her face, her eyes mate mine she is beautiful, bangs of her hairs covering her face, she is looking so fragile, innocence is screaming on her full face, that eyes seems to hold the power to beat my heart like drumstick. I snapped back, as she said, why are you searching for me, 'oh I want your faver daisy, please be my math tuter, '
my eyes went wide, what !!!!he wants me to be his math tutor, hey daisy say something I really need that and I am willing to pay for it he said with pleading eyes.
My surrounding stopped for a moment he is looking so ethernal my heart is beating fast, what is happening with me why my heart is going wild ? Am I suffering from heart disease or what? I really need to visit the doctor. Is it tachycardia symptoms, where your heartbeat get irregular, but I am too young to have this symptoms...
I came back to reality visiting my curious medical side , I looked at him, he is again showing me those puppy eyes, I sighed heavily not wanting to break his hopes.
I smiled and agreed to him only on one condition that I don't want money. He was happy and sad at the same time, he pleaded me to take the fees but I denied, I agreed with a small pout on my lips, she smiled softly looking at me and went away.
I was looking at her , her smile hold the beauty of innocence in them. Her eyes seems magical, I was almost fainted when she smiled at me, butterflies were running in my whole body, my cheeks went red when she smiled at me and went to her class. I was smiling like a fool the only words that left my mouth is, I love you my angel and I will always going to protect you....