Wangxian - The Road Not Taken

26. Beneath the Eyelashes

Previously:

We meet Nie Huaisang, he tells us of all the plans he had and events he had caused to happen along with the reason why. I forgive him and he finally lets go of his guilt. He presents me with gifts for the babies and me. I am so touched with this thoughtfulness.

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We spend rest of the day catching up with each other. Mostly it was just him as he experienced more time in this mortal world when we were apart. He has been having fun going to multiple places under a guise for his purposes and no one even suspects. And another plus for him is to be able to see and experience art of these different places to soothe his artistic side. He has gathered so much info and dirt on these so called high and mighty cultivators, just waiting to be used when he needs it. And because he is busy with good ol' planning and plotting he of course need help with his sect issues and it helps maintain his guise. win-win isn't it? Such a genius, how can anyone even think otherwise.

Our conversations continued well into dinner time. Thank god for the fact that we are not in Gusu 🤭🤭

A-Sang asked casually, "So , how is it going?"

I retorted, "As if you do not know it with all your elaborate and intricate spy network"

He rolled his eyes, "They only give me this much details if specifically asked" Then my dear Sang-di went to the point, "What will you do now? What are your plans?"

The answer to this is so obvious and simple for me, "Find a way to keep my kids healthy and happy and enjoy life in peace with my family"

He smiled, genuinely happy for me, "So , you will not give into your hero-complex and help the cultivation world figure out who the real culprit is, talk to them and fight for them? "

I shake my head, "Nope, not gonna happen this time. I will not help cultivation world figure out that they have been absolute dunderheads. And the one whom they seek to destroy for the crimes mentioned is the one they all worship."

He threw his head back and just laughed for 2 minutes straight. He took a deep calming breath and just as he was calm he burst out into laughter again. I was starting to worry that he would choke on his food sometime soon if he doesn't stop soon. Finally he was calm enough to speak, "I just was not expecting to ever see the day you do not jump the horse for saving the world even if they criticize you and are out for your blood. I am happy."

I respond with a surprisingly logical answer that didn't need me jumping the gun. "If they cant even do this on their own what can I say. Isn't there a saying God helps those who helps themselves? I will let them handle their problems for once. And anyways unsolicited advice and help can cause dangerous situations. Though I miss my ducklings, lotus and even the ice wall I think it is better to be here." I release a sigh feeling giddy that I do not feel any guilt while saying this and actually not going to help them even when they didn't ask that of me. Ah well they would kill me on sight anyway, that is if they look at the humiliated banished individual.

Sang-di hugged me , before admitting, "Even if a part of me did want you to come back and help, but this is a much better and logical alternative. I am happy and relieved you are looking at things priority wise and have rational and logical thought process."

"It has taken quite sometime for me to even start thinking this way. I am so grateful to A-Yang to open my eyes forcing me to look into mirror see what I had become, a shell of myself, just being led for most parts and in a way that I would even destroy myself to provide for them of my own volition . And to jie and A-Ning for the support and assuring me that it is okay for me to think about myself and babies first, to think about family not in a i-exist-only-to-take-care-of-them way but in a i-will-stand-by-them-but-also-think-about-me-as-a-living-breathing-human way. Just like you have been in your subtle way all these years.  I am not quite there yet but I will be." I acknowledge all that they have done for the stubborn me, truly thankful for having this in my life.