Wangxian - The Road Not Taken

The Last Talk

One day in the drowning darkness that was now ever present, there was a break in the everyday routine that I got used to.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

I was filled with dread with what was to come.

I could barely hear the approaching soft footfalls. It belonged to someone who was always light on feet but is carrying a lot of weight physically or mentally. I could see a faint light that came along with its owner. I wonder if its here to absolve me or damn me.

With  a swift movement he slid in. I don't think anyone even saw him open the door, slide in, and close it behind him. It was done so fast.

The happiness, hope and nervousness bubbling in me to see him here were soon squashed as I saw his face.

My Lan Zhan that usually kept his emotions tightly within him that at times even Zewu-jun has trouble reading him, was so tired and utterly helpless that he could not hold the overwhelming tornado of emotions with him to keep from showing on his face. He was bare, and so so vulnerable that it hurt to even look at him. Especially knowing that I was a cause for this.

I am sorry A-Zhan.

His hair was not as neat as it usually is, as if he does not have the time or energy to go through even the set motions that he has been following for years and years. His eyes held aeons of exhaustion, raw pain, utter helplessness, insurmountable guilt, faint relief , mild happiness, dilemma, slight insanity, frustration, and loss, to name a few.

He took a few deep breaths to steady himself. It was painful to watch him take shaking breaths. Its like seeing someone who is starved for so long that once they finally do see the food they physically have to stabilize themselves shaking all over before even thinking of taking it.

When he finally calmed and looked at me, he gasped in horror, barely keeping the tears at bay.

"I am sorry I couldn't leave earlier. Are you okay?" he rushed and hugged me. but at my pained groan moved back checked my injuries what he could in the little light that there was in the room.
I want to speak to you but I do not have the energy to overpower the silencing spells anymore after the countless times that I have already done. and you won't be able to nullify this one as it was cast by all the elders together. Unless you know where to look and how exactly it was cast it was near impossible to detect and remove. And in this state you won't be able to help much.

He saw that I couldn't or maybe wouldn't answer, so he went on to ask the question that he must have been dying to ask as he couldn't figure out. The very question every other person has been asking me, "Why Wei Ying, Why?"
I wish I could tell you Lan Zhan but I myself have no idea what happened. How do I explain such a thing that I don't understand myself?

"Wei Ying"
... A-Zhan. I turn my head, not knowing what I can do in this predicament.

"Speak to me Wei Ying. ... Please ", he said with desperation clawing through him.

I wish Lan Zhan. I really do.

He was getting frustrated with a lack of answer, just wanting an answer. Something to tether him, "Why should it have been XiongZhang? You know if it would have been anyone else I wouldn't have cared, I would have even helped you as I know you would only take this step towards someone who really deserved it. But why XiongZhang? Did he ever hurt you? Even say anything hurtful to you?"
No he didn't. Even when he disapproved, he was respectful. I bow my head in shame.