Wangxian - The Road Not Taken

The Morning After

I woke up feeling a strange but familiar warmth. Huh? Usually I only feel cold and lonely in the mornings. I blink open my eyes to see a very naked chest ......which is currently under my cheek.

I slowly looked up following the sculpted lines of the well defined and bare chest , the delicate neck filled with hickeys , up to the swollen red lips, up to the beautiful golden eyes. My lips automatically stretched into a wide smile.

Suddenly it clicked in my brain . This is Hanguang-jun , known for following rules, the ideal man, idol of purity or maybe purity itself, the masiah .

And I took advantage of his vulnerability yesterday. Oh God!! He must hate me now...

I quickly got up and moved away.
" Lan Zhan..." I started. " Umm.. about last night, I - I am sorry.."

His face fell. The usually stoic face could not disguise the hurt and pain he was feeling right now.

Does he really like me? Is it possible that yesterday was not a drunken mistake for him?

" I am really really sorry Lan Zhan. It really wasn't something that I had planned. Please believe me. "

If it was possible, his face fell even more . And I started panicked and rambling even more.

" Oh Lan Zhan please don't be so sad . I know you must hate me right now but please believe me I never intended to take advantage of you in that vulnerable state of yours. I know even though I had drunk but I was definitely more sober than you. I could have stopped you but I just melted further into you. I am really really really sorry. I will make sure this never happens again. I promise" looking at him like that I was also on the verge of tears.

" what did you say?"

" Yes Lan Zhan I promise trust me this won't happen again. I will stay away"

" Before that"

" I am sorry?"

" Before"

" I shouldn't have taken advantage of your vulnerability?" I said in a small voice.

" Do you really mean that?"

" Yes yes ofcourse Lan Zhan. I am sincere in my apology. I accept any punishment."

" Meaning you would take advantage if I am not vulnerable?"

" What?!"

He smirked. Then sighed " Do you really regret what happened yesterday?"

"Yes. " The smirk vanished. " I am really sorry"

" I don't want to hear any more sorrys"

" But Lan Zhan"

"...."

" But I also want to confess something. Maybe you'll never even look at my face after this but even if this is the last time I ever meet you I want to let you know. And not have regrets like the last time"

"What"

" Lan Zhan , the reason I didn't stop anything even though I probably could have was because last night I really wanted to sleep with you."

"..." I could see a faint light in his eyes, it gave me strength to continue. To risk telling him my feelings sober.

"Lan Zhan, ever since I met you I wanted to be close to you so I did anything the idiot me could of so that I could always be on your mind. I always wanted to be close to you. Back then I really wanted to tell you everything but I was scared I would ruin you and your reputation, you deserve more than that. I knew I could not turn back but you could and I never wanted to take you to hell with me. But I always wanted you. You deserve more than me. And for some selfish reasons like I said last night I have the nerve to want to claim you, be with you, love you. Yes Lan Zhan, I love you, I need you ,I want you I whatever you."

I closed my eyes during this second confession. I could bear to see him rejecting me, even if I would totally deserve it. A tiny lone tear fell from my eyes.

"Wei Ying.." he voice full of an unnamed emotion. I looked up, he had moved closer and now took me in his arms.

" Wei Ying deserves everything. Never think less of yourself"

"But Lan Zhan-"

For the first time ever I saw him cutting someone in mid speech "Wei Ying . deserves. Everything. I love Wei Ying. You are my soulmate. You can never ruin me"

" Wow Lan Zhan, that's the longest I have heard you speak" I was so close I could hear his rapid heartbeat and see his cute blushed ears. " Lan Zhan I hope we can always talk it out. I am so relieved that you also want me, that magically somehow you also love me"

" Mn. Love Wei Ying"

" Say it again"

" Love Wei Ying"

" Again"

" Love love love Wei Ying" never once did he looked irritated by my continuous need to hear it from his mouth.

" I love you too lan zhan, sooo much" I wanted to make sure even I said it enough times that he doesn't have a doubt. " btw did you like..... last night?"

" Yes. But don't remember it very clearly" he was clearly sad about it. Lans' and their alcohol tolerance. smh.

" Haww???!? Whattt?!!  You broke my back last night and don't even remember it?" I added extra dramatic just for the effect.

" Sorry" and he meant it also.

" Aisshh okay okay, how am I supposed to walk now? You will have to carry me around"

" Mn . Will carry Wei Ying" he smirked.

" Aiyaaaa atleast give me a warning before saying something like this. My heart needs to be prepared" I blush.

" So Lan Zhan, when did you first felt good about me?"

" On the roof , when you sneaked in wine"

"OMG Lan Zhan, you fell in love at first sight? Awwwwww oh my heart, it just skipped a beat" I lean over and give him a peck on his lips and his ears turn redder.

Aww he is so adorable.

" Lan Zhan I am so happy we could talk it out. We both have been living with insecurities scared to talk scared to lose each other. I can't even imagine what would have happened if we wouldn't have talked and cleared it out. We would have remained the clueless idiots and wasted precious time together."

" Mn. We won't waste time staying apart"

" Lan Zhan promise me you will always talk to me, even if you think you can't form correct words, just tell me what you have in mind"

" Mn . I promise Wei Ying. Now come eat."

" Nah I am weak. All because of you I can't even stand properly. " I whine.

Lan Zhan picks me up gently and taked me to the table. As soon as he sits down I move closer to him.

" A-zhan I can't even lift my hands. You see they are tired as I had to hold on for dear life yesterday night."

His ears turned so bright and to tease him even more I moved even closer. Now I am practically on his lap. Teasing him.

" A-Zhan I am so upset that I am the only one who remembers each moment we spent together.

" Don't you love me Er-gege ? How could you forget the our precious moments?"

" Lan Zhan aiyoo look what you did to me I am covered all over" moving the robe a little bit to show him his piece of work.

Finally his control snapped .Food forgotten, he held me tight stopping my squirming. Took his foreheadband and tied my hands and went on to have his sweet way with me.

"Mine"

" Yes yes I am yours . Just like you are mine" feeling absolutely divine in his arms.

" Mn."

" Call me A-Ying"

" A-ying"

" Aww ... Say do you love me A-Zhan?"

" Love A-Ying . A lot"

" I love you too A-Zhan"

It was much later that we had a late brunch and headed off to Burial mounds.