Wangxian - The Road Not Taken

16. I'm what?

Previously......

I gained an unexpected and unwanted new companion. And I have to make plans to find A-Ning as soon as possible without going into cultivation world

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Weeks pass by without much happening. It seems surreal that I am finally having kind of peaceful days. Not what I had imagined how my peaceful days would be but I guess beggars can't be choosers.

In these weeks I must have made countless plans to find A-Ning without going back, but scraped them soon after. I even tried a couple but those did not work out. While I was busy with this, I do grudgingly admit that my company wasn't too bad. In fact he was quite helpful and resourceful.  Many a times I wonder if it would not have been for him then I surely would not have food for days at end, or even if I did I wouldn't have bothered with eating. But even with all his pestering, I am not feeling much better, I try to hide it, but its getting more and more apparent. I won't be able to hide for much longer.

Seems like he really want to help and be better. Maybe this will help my uncle to rest in peace.

But be it looking for A-Ning, keeping an eye on Xue Yang, or even help the locals, I can't stop thinking about all that has happened. Most of all him, he just has this knack of worming into my thoughts, sometimes I wonder if he is a part of me or has a permanent place within me that I can't get away from. And thinking of him has me creating melodies and songs dedicating to him, and its times like these that I miss my ChenQing the most. The esteemed leaders thought me too dangerous to grant me my weapon while banishing me. So here I am with melodies translating from my mind to mouth but coming to stop at my lips.

Once I start reminiscing, its a downward spiral. I miss my little ducklings with all their unique quirks. They are more like my kids anyway. My angry little peacock, with anger at the tip of his nose, fuse always ready to go off but cares about the ones he holds dear, just has a constipated way of showing it just like his dear uncle. My chaotic little pup, the title holder of the most un-Lan Lan, is such a confused chaotic cutie but would never shy away from any challenge, loyal to core. My little softie bird, such a romantic at heart, will always see the good side of everything, has empathy in bounds for everyone. And then there is my serene little radish, the calm cute glue that keeps them together, the rule follower but always knowing the loopholes also he has been granted with such a silver tongue, its impossible to know him and not love him.

Oh my baby, he had been hurt when I was sent away. Lan Zhan said he was severely hurt? How severe was it? Were the healers able to take care of him? Did they heal him well? Would there be any lasting effects?  Is he alright now? Is he missing me? Does he hate me too? Omg I can feel my heartbeat increasing, it was getting more difficult to breathe. I could see the black spots increasing in my vision till they swallowed everything, and me in with it.

Usually when I go down the memory lane I start having a panic attack, which has only started getting worse and worse each time they happen. But thankfully Xue Yang had always been there and was successfully able to calm me down without anything worse happening. But unfortunately this time he is not here. Just this morning he had gone to the village reluctantly to get us some supplies for our journey. Since he has joined me, slowly this responsibility has been shouldered by him as he knows that I would rather not be in company of any more people than necessary. I think in the morning he knew I was not feeling too well so he was reluctant to leave me but I assured him I was okay, and he will be gone for a few hours only at most, it will be fine.

It was not.

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