Sairah and Jade were watching a movie before bed together that night.
The two of them were resting against the head of the bed with their pillows at their backs. Well that was how they had been when they just started the movie.
Jade was asleep now and her head was on Sairah's shoulder. She had her own room in Sairah's grandparents' mansion but they decided to stay in Sairah's for this movie.
Sairah was wide awake still, looking at the laptop screen in front of her.
The movie was coming to a close and all the characters were hugging and forgiving each other for the wrongs they did throughout.
As they all got close and the words 'The End' appeared on screen, Sairah remembered the recent events that shook her life.
She thought of her and Leigh's fight and the times Leigh-Anne would tell her to stop doing certain things that upset her. For the most part Sairah would listen but she had not realized that she had been ruining her sister. Jade . . .
She looked down at the younger girl who was fast asleep on her. Jade had been so straight forward with her when she said that she was the reason why Leigh-Anne had been in such a bad state. It wasn't so bad that Leigh-Anne ran around with Jesy . . . apart from the fact that it made Leigh-Anne sick- but Leigh-Anne wouldn't have felt the need to do that if Sairah hadn't been so . . .
Leigh-Anne's a weirdo . . . Leigh if they haven't left already even after seeing how much a freak you are then they're probably never going to leave you . . . Yeah my little sister needs me a lot. She's all helpless and needy 'cause of her mental illness . . . she's a kid . . .
Sairah thought of all the things she used to say and then remembered their horrible father. He had always been yelling and cursing and hurting people. Ruining mum and Sierra. He was . . . just like her. She said it herself while arguing with Leigh-Anne. She and him were alike whether she liked it or not.
She had not really shared this with anyone but after she struck Leigh that time, she had been worried about herself. If she could hurt Leigh-Anne so bad, the person she vowed to protect, who was to say that she wouldn't one day lash out at Jade or Marcy or even Joe? What if she lost it and hurt them just because she didn't like what they did? I'm usually a lot more put together. She and Leigh had had disagreements before but because Leigh had gone out with Jesy of all people . . . but who am I to say that Jesy's the devil right? She's the devil 'cause she's like dad and I'm like that too so that means I'm the devil also. Yeah, Jesy had kind of caused Leigh to have a seizure but . . . Leigh-Anne . . . I can't control her.
She had been mad at Sierra all the time because she tried to control her so why did she get on like that when Leigh did things with her own free will? I wanted to protect her but I ended up . . . sometimes the slap would play over and over and over in her head and she would feel disgusted with herself. Her body would feel cold and her hands would shake. She was becoming the thing she hated most.
Sairah gulped before moving Jade into a more comfortable position and then shutting the girl's laptop. It had been a Disney film we'd been watching. Disney knew how to make sappy movies didn't it?
Sairah set Jade's laptop on the dresser and then turned off the light to get into bed.
She lay on her side and tried to sleep but it was useless. She had not been doing much of that these days. He's staying out of our lives because he was the problem but now I'm becoming him. She was trying very hard to not become too emotional these days in case she hurt someone and it was working. Her emotions had simmered down quite a bit since she hurt Leigh-Anne anyway. She just . . . she was different. People told her that. Chris Drew had pointed it out today, saying she hadn't been making fun of him as much. Didn't even realize I was doing that. Her research had told her that only 'bullies' made fun of people so maybe she was a bully. Their dad was a bully too wasn't he? How does he live with himself?
