One night ruined it all

1 - Acceptance or Rejection

I could feel my palms sweating as I waited for the school Wi-Fi to slowly load up the Oxford University Website. They are sending out acceptance and rejection emails at some point today and I'm a nervous wreck, practically the whole of double history I sat refreshing my Oxford student page to see if it had been updated but nothing had changed since early this morning.

I keep telling myself to stay calm and jut breathe but I can't seem to manage it, younger students in the school probably think I'm on something I'm bouncing my leg so much. All of a sudden a reassuring perfectly manicured hand squeezes my hyper-active leg causing me to snap out of my thoughts.

"Emily you need to relax, if you don't get in it's not the end of the world." My close friend Rachel said with her signature 'it's all okay' smile.

"Yeah and even if you don't get into Oxford you've still been accepted to Edinburgh, Glasgow and Stirling in the past two weeks." Aeryn said from across the break table.

What they didn't understand is that Edinburgh, Glasgow and Stirling are my 'safety schools' you could call it. I mean yes they are all amazing schools especially for law but I need to get out. I need to get out of this place because all I want is to go somewhere that no one knows me. I can be anybody and there is no social pressure to be somebody I'm not, because people won't even know the person I'm supposed to be.

Plus all I've ever wanted is to go to a top university for law ever since I watched legally blonde at twelve years old and googled a lawyers salary. I need to go to Oxford, I need to do this for myself so that I have the future that I deserve.

I know that might sound a bit spoiled, "I deserve", but I do. After everything I've been through in my life I think that I deserve this one thing that will make me truly happy and ensure that my future is happy too because let's just say I've not had what you'd call an easy journey so far.

When I was first born I had 'clicky' hips and had to spend eight weeks in a leg brace to sort it all out and in addition to that I also came out with a bent pinkie finger too.

Then at 8 and a half years old I was diagnosed with HSP and spent 3 months off school in pure torture, begging for medicine to help my stomach that I couldn't be given due to set times. I think I went to hospital 30 times that year.

Then of course HSP didn't come without it's knock-on affect, leaving me to be paralysed on three separate occasions, one in which I had to be taken to the hospital for suspected meningitis which was later diagnosed as tonsillitis. I also still have scars both mentally and physically from HSP. Every few nights in the shower or the bath I'll check. I'll check to see that I haven't got a rash that doesn't fade. I'll check that it's not coming back. If I did I don't think I could handle it.

At 14 years old I was hit with anxiety. I didn't want to go to school, I didn't want to meet my friends, I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was. But things never did, they are settled now due to regular sessions with my councillor but things are definitely different. Speaking of my councillor my last session was last week, when I first started sessions I never thought that there would be a day when I didn't need them anymore.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is at this point I'm just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. No one can blame me for wanting to get away and start fresh. To go somewhere in which nothing bad has happened.

"Thanks you guys" I looked up from the screen and forced smiled at the circular table. Rachel was sitting on my right then next to her was Callum then Chloe then Aeryn then James then Carter sitting next to me. We had our own little group amongst the rest of the year group we were friendly with. To be honest by the final year and when the people who didn't care to be here had left school, everyone was kind of friends with everyone. It's actually kind of weird how it just naturally happened.

I took a deep breath and prepared to refresh my Oxford student page while everyone at the table looked at me in anticipation. I hit the refresh button and it showed my page had been updated.
I clicked on the document and started to quickly scan it. My hands flew to my face, covering it as I started half sobbing.

"Aw Emily I'm so sorry, you could always transfer next year?"
"Yeah I'm sure you'll work it out somehow"
"Definitely"

I slowly shook my head and whispered into my hands. Nobody heard so I said it again, louder this time but still quiet from the shock I was in.

"I did it. I actually did it." I said as I lifted my hands away from my face that currently didn't know what expression to display.

"No freaking way!"
"That's really amazing Em!"
"Congratulations!"

I smiled and let out a small laugh at my friends priceless faces and reactions, they were all so genuinely happy for me. Suddenly and without warning, Rachel climbed up on top of the our table causing people to look at her and gathering attention to where we sat. She cleared her throat and shouted,

"My best friend just got accepted into bloody Oxford University!" She beamed down at me as I tried to swat her down from the table, my face growing a pinky-red colour as people started to stare.

Passing students and teachers started clapping and within moments a large crowd formed around the table full of people congratulating me and wishing me luck. My first year English teacher, random second and third years, some of my brothers friends and other people from sixth year, it felt like half the school was surrounding me but it was actually only about twenty people.

After about 10 minutes of everyone wishing me well and telling me how great it is that someone from the school has been accepted to Oxford we finally went back to normal conversation.

"We should go out tonight and celebrate" Suggested Chloe.

"Yeah I'm totally down for a night in town" Said Carter.

"Mate didn't you lose your fake ID?" Asked Callum.

"Yeah but my cousin got me a new one last week" Carter said with a menacing grin.

"Well I'm in"
"Yeah same here"
"I've got a dress waiting to be worn"

Everyone turned to me with convincing eyes knowing I wouldn't want to go sneaking into a club on a school night.

"I don't know you guys..."

"Aw come on Em, it'll be fun and plus it's a Friday tomorrow so no one will even notice if you're a bit hungover" Carter said, slinging his arm around me in a brotherly way when my eyes widened at 'hungover'.

"Yeah you need to come Emily, we're celebrating your success" Chloe looked at me with pleading eyes.

"Fine then, but you're doing my makeup" I sighed, pointing my index finger at Aeryn.

She grinned and nodded, I could already sense myself regretting this tomorrow morning but you only live once and plus, I won't get many more nights out with these guys for a while when I go to Oxford.

'I'm going to Oxford' I thought to myself and smiled. I still couldn't believe it.