Trial of the Times

Chapter 42 - Coming Undone - Rewritten

He slowly turns his eyes towards Dooku, who frowns slightly. Anakin has never seen him look concerned until now. "I can't help you, Skywalker," he tells him, "Our bond isn't nearly strong enough, and we don't have the time to strengthen it."

Anakin exhales slowly, briefly closes his eyes against a sharp stab of pain. "Please," he whispers. Dooku already knows of his deepest insecurities, and Anakin knows that he won't judge him, regardless of what he learns. And if Dooku does, for whatever reason, see something worthy of rejection, it wouldn't hurt nearly as much as if Obi-Wan did it. Besides, Anakin knows that Dooku would never allow Sidious to get control over his mind; the risks would be far too great.

Something almost pained flickers across Dooku's face, and he steps closer, dropping to one knee in front of Anakin, even as he gives Obi-Wan a pointed look about... something, though Anakin doesn't know what or why. He can feel the smothered flare of jealousy and resentment from Obi-Wan which is strong enough to prompt him to glance at his former master. Obi-Wan's expression doesn't even twitch, but Anakin knows what he felt, and it confuses him. He doesn't have time to ponder it, especially when Sidious tries again to claw his way through his shielding.

"Anakin, as much as I would like to help you, stopping Sidious will require something akin to a mind meld which means absolute trust on both sides." Dooku sounds genuinely regretful as he speaks. "I'm not entirely certain that I'm prepared to do something like that with you."

"Why won't you let me in?" questions Obi-Wan. "Do you not trust me?" His voice is level, open, but because Obi-Wan lowered his shielding so much, Anakin can feel his emotions fluctuating all over the place. He's upset and hurt, and so much more that he can't even label. Anakin doesn't understand the reason behind those feelings either, which makes any interpretations practically impossible.

No, he doesn't trust Obi-Wan with everything in his mind, but he can't bring himself to say that. His every insecurity is being dragged to the surface, something Sidious is knowingly encouraging, if not intentionally causing. His silence answers the question and for the briefest moment, Anakin feels pain flare within Obi-Wan before it's concealed. Anakin loves Obi-Wan more than anyone else, but he's too afraid of how Obi-Wan will react, too afraid of being hurt.

"Anakin, please," Obi-Wan murmurs, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tightly.

Anakin closes his eyes, struggling with himself. He needs Obi-Wan's help, and he can't resist Sidious forever. Another violent Force shove cracks through his outermost shields. Sidious flood every crack with the Dark Side, drawing out all his fears and uncertainties. You were always meant to help me, my boy. The message is coaxing, trying to get him to listen. It's how Palpatine always talked to him. Manipulation, he realizes, unconsciously pressing closer to Obi-Wan.

He used him, lied to him. But he wasn't the only one. Obi-Wan used him, too, when he let Anakin think him dead. If he'll only be seen as a tool, why fight? If he's being possessed, at least it will only be his body, not his mind, heart, and soul. His emotions will always be his, something he selfishly wants to guard. They were the only thing he's always owned since he was born, and he doesn't want to share them now.

But... he doesn't know if those thoughts are his own or being inspired by Sidious, and that scares him the most. He wants to keep what's his as his, but he doesn't want to do it if it means everyone else will suffer for it. Maybe Ahsoka's vision is inevitable. Maybe he is destined to die here. Maybe the Force, too, sees him as expendable, as something to be disposed of once his purpose – balancing the Force – is fulfilled.

***

Obi-Wan becomes increasingly desperate as Anakin bars his entry. It's not that he wants to be in Anakin's mind like that – such a connection is extremely intimate, and it will irrevocably change their lives – but it's necessary. There's no time for them to debate this. If they don't unite to hold off Sidious, Anakin could – he could die. Obi-Wan isn't ready to let him go, not yet, maybe not ever. Anakin flinches in his arms, and he can feel Anakin weakening, the Dark Side coiled around him like a vicious predator. If he reaches out far enough, he can almost sense Sidious' presence latching onto Anakin's mind.