After Death (Completed)

匚卄卂卩ㄒ乇尺 １５(Out of my Mind)

Chapter 15: Out of My Mind

Ethan Warren

Estimated, July 2024

About 26 months after outbreak

California, The Circus

Season 3

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I have been trying to clear my mind for the past few months. I focused on my work with Thomas and tried not to think of the bad shit that's been going on. I looked past the lies and the secrets and tried to get done what needed to be done. We noticed for a few days that supplies were going missing, and we couldn't understand why. Leah was the first to realize it. She told Thomas before she told me. At first, neither of us believed her. I wanted to, but I couldn't help but think she just wanted attention.

Every time Tai and Steve would go on runs, we'd record what they found in the inventory. But soon after, the stuff would be gone without being checked out. At first, it was small things, like a few canned beans and a water bottle, but then it started being our guns and then our medicine. After realizing that, Thomas finally decided that something had to be done. I would have called a search when we first realized it, but I wasn't the man in charge; he was.

"You and I both know we have to do something about this, Thomas."

"I know, but I can't just ask one of my people to become a security guard. I haven't even told people that this is happening. I don't want them to worry; they'll go mad."

"But we can't just keep letting this happen. We have to catch whoever is doing this. Put them in a room like we did with Aiden."

"I volunteer to stand guard by the supply room," Emilio offered. Thomas gave him a pat on the shoulder and nodded.

"I trust you to keep an eye out, at least for the time being. Until we can think of something better, it won't hurt for someone to at least keep watch." I didn't have the best feeling about letting Emilio do this job. He was the right-hand man of Thomas; he would tell him anything before he would tell me, and then Thomas probably wouldn't say the truth. I decided it would be best if I found one of my own people to do the job, but I didn't know who. I needed someone I could trust, and someone Thomas could trust as well. I didn't want this to become a huge deal if it didn't have to. Thomas was right; it was best not to worry the people.

"I could help," Airianna suggested. Apparently she had been eavesdropping during our meeting, and she could practically tell what I was thinking by the look on my face. She followed me as I walked faster, trying to get away from her. I didn't know how to feel at first. I didn't want her to get involved if she didn't have to. She's Rudolph's daughter, and I didn't know what he would say if he found out, but she looked serious, and I didn't want to upset her. She was practically my daughter, too.

"Airianna, I don't know if that's such a good idea," I said, stopping to look down at her. She looked up at me with determination in her eyes, refusing to back down. It was clear that she had made up her mind and was not going to take no for an answer.

"I want to help. All I get to do is watch kids all day. I want to be able to do more; just tell me what I need to do." She adjusted her sweater and gave me a look that she knew I wouldn't be able to say no to.

"Fine, but don't let your dad find out. Not yet, at least." I felt a little bad about telling her to lie to Rudi like that. I knew it was wrong of me, but for now, it was for the best. Hopefully this wasn't something too serious, and I was only sending her to do something quick and easy. I hoped that was all it was, at least.

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Khai Reaver

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I've been able to do relatively normal things recently. Being unable to see wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I relied on my other senses, my dog, and Esme. I knew I'd probably never be able to shoot a gun again or fight off the dead. I could shoot; it's just that I didn't know where to aim. I was practically useless at this point, but I didn't need to kill the dead anymore. We were safe here, and we didn't need to leave. I needed Ethan to not mess this up because I wouldn't survive out there if the conditions were just like they were before getting to The Circus.

I've been trying to meet more of the people who have lived here before us. Some of them were friends of Thomas; some of them just came here to be safe; and some were just stopping by. I figured if I knew more people, it would make living here better because then we wouldn't have to keep looking over our shoulders. Most of the people were nice, but some had attitudes. It didn't surprise me, though; we've all been through more than we can handle.

I've tried to go see Aiden more times than I probably should have. They don't let anyone into the house he's being kept in. They say he could be potentially dangerous to others, but I only think that he could be a danger to himself. It's not good for him to be alone with his thoughts for that long, and it made me wonder if he was even still alive. I didn't know if Thomas would even tell us if he was dead. I could imagine that he would, but I really didn't know. The uncertainty surrounding Aiden's well-being was agonizing. I wished there was a way to provide him with the support he needed. Not being able to be there for him made me feel even more worthless.

I tried to talk to Ethan, but he acted like he wanted nothing to do with me. I know he was probably just busy, but I took it personally, even though I knew I shouldn't have. I took everyone's whispers and silence personally because I knew that they meant no good because they tried to hide what they said from me.