After Death (Completed)

匚卄卂卩ㄒ乇尺 １８(The Worst)

Chapter 18: The Worst

Rudolph Alinsky

October, 2023

17 months after outbreak

Nevada

Season 2

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I'm kind of getting used to living on the road now. Airi liked it, and Juna did too. She was older now, so it was much easier to take care of her. We could finally walk for a few hours without constant crying.

Most of the cars had either an empty tank or were broken in some way. This made everything seem slower. We couldn't really tell what season it was anymore. It felt like it should be spring.

We didn't really mind the walking; it wasn't too hot or too cold, so it felt comfortable, but we came to realize that the warmer the temperature, the more dead there were. There were always a few of them in our way, and everything smelled worse the hotter it got.

I was teaching Airianna how to protect herself. She has proven to me that she can handle herself out here, but I just wanted her to be as safe as possible. But she didn't want to look at me anymore, not after what happened. I missed her, and I wish I could take back what I did, for her sake. She really liked hanging out with Steve; he made her smile, and that wasn't something she did a whole lot of. I think she finally realized that Steve was just trying to help her because he genuinely cared. I envied their friendship, and Steve could see that it hurt me to see them getting along so well. He felt bad.

Aaron kind of unintentionally took over caring for Juna. I admit I am not the best with babies, but he was, and he enjoyed taking care of her. Juna seemed to respond well to Aaron's care, and it was clear that he had a natural talent for nurturing her. He effortlessly soothed her when she was fussy and always made sure she was comfortable and happy. It was heartwarming to see how much joy he found in being there for Juna, even if it made me feel a twinge of jealousy at times.

I think about what I did to Lucas and that woman every second of the day. Maybe that's why my friends were taking over my responsibilities. They knew I was going through a lot and were just trying to make it easier on me, but for some reason, it only made me feel worse.

I kind of wish I had left Lucas for Ethan to kill, but then again, there wouldn't have been any time. The three of us would probably die together if I did that.

We had to get out of there rather quickly. The horde was bigger than we thought. It killed all of the people who had lived in Loveland before us, or at least made them homeless. I felt bad that they lost everything while we only lost our home, which we lived in for three months. But then again, I'm grateful none of us died. Why were we so lucky?

I wanted to be able to set a good example for Airianna. I wanted to be the kind, caring father that she needed, but that seemed almost impossible. Those may have been the first people I took from this world, but I knew it wouldn't be the last. I just feared I'd end up getting used to it.

Ethan's broken now; he doesn't answer our questions; he doesn't give us orders; he just walks in a straight line west. I know our plan is to get on a boat to an island, but we need a plan B, and we didn't have one. We had no plan for if something bad happened, and that was a huge problem.

Eventually someone is going to die; somehow the island wouldn't work out. Our group was weak, and I was powerless to strengthen it.