After Death (Completed)

匚卄卂卩ㄒ乇尺 １７ (Warm October Air)

Chapter 17: Warm October Air

Ethan Warren

October, 2023

17 months after outbreak

Nevada

Season 2

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After everything that's happened, I desperately wanted to be done with running. I'm holding onto something that isn't there anymore. We are broken. There's nothing that can fix us.

We stayed far away from Vegas. We caught a glimpse of it from afar, and it's probably one of the worst places I've ever seen. The dead were so crammed together that it would be impossible to even get close to the city.

We stuck with our idea of the coast. Some of them have told me it was a bad idea. I knew it was, but honestly, I wasn't just set on getting to an island. If we could find somewhere on the way and make it work, that would be more than enough.

But we haven't found anything. Not a single community since Loveland, and I was being forced back into believing the same thing I believed after we lost our home in Minnesota. We were destined to struggle to survive for the rest of our lives.

Most of the others enjoyed looking beyond the pain. Steve, Rudi, and Aaron took care of the kids. They're giving them a happy childhood, or at least they're trying. Edin and Dallen tried to hold onto the friendship that they had before all of this started, and Aiden and Khai tried to join that group.

Leah and I, however, don't just share each other's pain; we live in it. I finally realized what I'd been doing wrong. I've been getting people killed because I've been too selfish to accept help from others and too unselfish to want to be in charge.

Amy is dead because of me. It's my fault, and I know that now. The bond between Leah and I will always have cracks in it, but I'm ready to listen to her now. I should have never killed Calvin; I did that out of anger, and it's something I can never forget.

Rudi told me what happened to Lucas. It really changed him. I could tell he felt guilt, but I knew he didn't regret anything. Airianna saw what he did. He only felt bad about what he did because he scared her. My anger wasn't necessarily only for Lucas. I wanted to just blame him for what went wrong, but he wasn't the brains of the operation. I was glad that Catherine was dead. That bitch was crazy. I hoped no one put a bullet in her head just so she could suffer forever, walking among the dead.

She had us completely fooled, and in the end, it all kind of made sense in a way. She never specified what her plans for the community actually were, and she stayed tucked away in that office of hers for the most part. It was clear that Catherine had been manipulating us all along, and I knew she kind of had been, but I didn't want to take the peace we desperately needed away from us.

I had no idea why I was even looking for a community. They were all probably the same. They had the same people, and the same thing would end up happening. And then people would die, and I would be the last, begging for it to end.

But still, we had to keep looking. Maybe if we had to, we could build our own community. We could put up our own walls. But it would still probably end up falling. We don't have enough people and weapons to protect it. Sooner or later, someone who did would come along and take it from us.

I sometimes wonder what happened to the government. I still despise them for the scar they gave Rudolph, but if they were still out there, we could use their help.

They probably weren't, though. They probably died in the cities because that's what their mission was. Rest in peace, assholes.

I wish I could be the leader that my group needs me to be, but I just can't. Not yet, at least, and I knew it would get even harder as time went on. That's why I still try, because if I can't handle it now, what the hell am I going to do when almost everyone I love is dead?