Goddess of the Stars | F.M

Author's Crisis

Okay before I paste this extremely long rant, I just want to thank you guys for appreciating this book. I'm truly thankful that people love my work on here because my outside life is hectic af. Thank you for 100k views. I'm truly thankful. Now forgive me for this hella long rant. That was gonna be turned into a book 😅. It still can but I need my readers point of view on my fucked up life. Please help me about this situation. I really need it.

Drowning (My Life)

Have you ever felt like you're constantly drowning? Like someone shoved you into the deepest part of the pool, and for some reason you forget how to swim.

I've been drowning my entire life.

Every year it gets worse and worse, I struggle to move my legs and swim to the surface. The water's choking me, entering my lungs, filling it up. Til the point that I stop fighting my way up and just let the water consume me. Fill my lungs up and take my last breath, then at the point I do make it towards the surface. But not the way I wanted to, I'm just not breathing...

The worse part of that is that it's not reality, meaning that I have to relive it all over again...every year.

You may wonder when I truly started realizing these feelings and ideas in my head. It started my freshman year of high school. Scary year for me, I've always been in a private school majority of my life. So entering a public school was absolutely terrifying for me. Especially a big school like mines, imagine being a tiny little goldfish and has been into your little fish bowl for years. Then one day your owner decides to take you out of your comfortable home and place you into this tank filled with other fishes.

Terrifying right?

That was me, I didn't know anybody, and definitely didn't know where to go for my classes. I didn't adapt quickly to public schools' system. I tried to always follow the rules and make friends as soon as possible to survive. Being an extrovert gave me the benefits, but faking my personality to get friends was the first intake of my drowning.

But it was all I could do, fake my personality. I got the friends I so desperately needed to survive but I did t realize that it was the beginning of me losing myself and who I was.

Like I said earlier, I went through a lot that year. I was boy crazy and always talked about them, I'm pretty sure my friends were annoyed and painted a picture of me.

Biggest mistake number one. I didn't like it, but I continued with my 'boy craziness' because I didn't know how to stop and tell my friends, "Guys, I'm not actually boy crazy." Who would've believed me anyways.

We're gonna fast forward to sophomore year, I was still 'boy crazy' and still faking my personality, but I at that time I was finally out of the closet. I came out my freshman year to my 'friends' that I was pansexual. Yay!! I hope you hear my sarcasm.

It wasn't a lie, I'm actually pansexual, but again my friends never believed me because of my boy craziness.

Until I met E.

E R P. She was in my first period freshman year. A shy girl, she had a pixie hair cut at the time. Pale skin, small nose, and also had cute braces. She was gorgeous to me.

We met again my sophomore year, she came to my academy-theatre- as we held a small production. I thought I'd never see her again as we had a big school and no classes together that year. Boy was I wrong.

We ended up dating after a couple of weeks of seeing each other again, but ended up breaking up two months for personal reasons. Thankfully she wanted to continue being friends with me, and ever since then we've been best friends.