Non Verbal

63

And me.

I hate that I stood their stunned as he spoke.

I hate that I didn't deny it.

I hate that all I did was ask Nathan to stop as he slammed Rowan's head against the locker.

"Roe." I whisper and he lifts his head to see me.

At least he will look at me.

I am sorry.

I am sorry.

I'm Sorry.

I'm sorry.

God I feel so fucking guilty.

I step up the last step and I gently go and sit down beside him, crossing my legs as I sit near his head and his eyes are back on the ceiling.

I lift up the icepack.

"Does your head hurt?" I ask quietly. "Here."

He doesn't answer me but his lips tug up slightly as he takes the icepack and he lifts it under his head. Using it as a pillow.

He might not be able to talk right now. I think. Looking at his face.

Don't touch him.

And instead of lying down next to him, like I wanted to. I lean my back against the wall and I look out the window, up at the clouds. There was so much sun today, but there were also big fluffy white clouds.

I remember when Roe said that a full cloudy sky was comforting to him, that he felt safer.

I remember telling him it was claustrophobic.

"I mean we were warned." Rowan says and instead of feeling relieved that he spoke, it actually seemed to make me tense more. His voice seemed so detached.

"Like he warned you not to tell anyone. I knew the consequences of letting him know that I knew." He speaks up at the ceiling. Not looking at me.

"Roe." I whisper. "He was just trying to push some of the fear and pain he was feeling off of him and onto anyone else." I try to explain and I watch a weird smile lift to his lips.

Rowan's eyes travel in one oddly direct motion from the white ceiling to me. "I was an easy target?"

Blaise just wanted the attention off of him. I don't think I will ever forgive him for this. For what he said. But I know why he said it.

I look down at him. Holding his eyes on me. "Rowan every single thing he said was a lie. Everything. You know this right?"

His eyes move from mine, turning to look back up at the ceiling and he chuckles to himself, and he sits up, he sits up and he moves to the opposite wall, leaning his back against it and resting his arms on his lifted knees.

Rowan looks at me then and it felt like he moved away from me.

That that movement from lying down beside my head to sitting across from me spoke so much more than what he was saying.

"Rowan...? How bad is this?"

He lifts his eyes again and looks at me.

And I think I predict his words before he says them. Because the way he's looking at me feels different. Like the way he sees me now has changed.

And it hurts.

"I'm hurt." Rowan says.

So am I.

Instead of saying anything my heart lurches and I move a little closer to him, coming away from the wall and sitting by his feet.