Spring Day

🌼 30

Listen to You Lost Me - Christina Aguilera

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My heart races and my hands feel clammy as I dig through my purse for the spare key I have to Tae's studio. It's under my name anyways, so I was given a set of keys too. I've been thinking about it all day, Hannah's words haunting my every thought. She knew too much for it to not be true.

Then I was hit with Jimin's words. Finally, all the puzzle pieces were fitting together, everything started to make sense, his late nights, his crazy jealousy about Jimin, his sudden change in behavior. I felt sick as I realized how stupid I had been, how I let him come between my friendship with Kookie, how I started to lose who I was in favor of being who he wanted me to be.

I spent the afternoon on the phone with the landlord, I let him know this would be the last month in this apartment, but he could talk to Taehyung about renewing the lease under his name. I then called the electric and water company letting them know the same thing.

When I got home and looked around the apartment at the life we made with each other, I finally cried, screamed, and let everything out. I pulled out my two suitcases and packed whatever I felt was important, my clothes, childhood trinkets, I stumbled over our photos and decided that if it was true I wouldn't want the reminder of everything he threw away.

He could have everything, the furniture, the apartment, all of our memories, all of it. I didn't know what I would do if it was true, a small part of me was praying that Hannah was lying.

I turn the knob and let myself into the quiet studio. The front room is pitch black but there's a small glow showing from under the door of the back room. Each step I make towards the door is painful and tears already stream down my face.

I push the door open quietly and I'm confronted with the picture I was praying wasn't true. Tae's laid out flat on his back resting peacefully without a care in the world while Hannah is curled up against his side naked. His arm is draped around her waist and I choke back my sobs as my heart breaks a million times over.

Tae stirs and I freeze holding my breath. I don't want him to see me hurt like this! He doesn't deserve the satisfaction of knowing he's broken me. He turns in his sleep and pulls Hannah closer to him. I quietly back out of the room and taking out our apartment key and the studio key, I leave them on the island in the small kitchen.

I get back into my car and let out all my anger and hurt, screaming until my voice is raw for how stupid I've been, my fists are red from hitting the steering wheel repeatedly. I take my phone out of my bag and block Tae on all of my social media. The last thing I do is block his number knowing I can't talk to him. I've fallen for his lies too many times, but not this time.

I clutch my chest trying to ease the pain. Everything was a lie, his love, his promises. All of it. I've lost everything. I gave up so much of myself trying to be perfect for him and it was for nothing.

There's only one place for me to go and I probably don't deserve his comfort after the way I've treated him but I still make my way to his house.

"Oh my god, Av! What's happened?" Kookie pulls me into his house as soon as he answers the door.

His strong features show nothing but worry, his eyes panicked, I try to speak but the words die on my tongue before I can even get them out. A sob erupts my chest and Kookie envelops me into his arms holding on tight as my body shakes with my cries.

"H-he never loved me, Kookie," I feel his arms tense around me.

"What did he do?" his voice is low and menacing.

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"I'll fucking kill him," Kookie growls out, but I just shake my head no.

"You can't stop me this time, Av, he really had the nerve to cheat on you! After everything?!"

"I don't want anything to do with him anymore, Kookie. Just leave him be. Karma will get him," I sigh no longer having any strength to cry.

"Or you could just let me get him. Fuck Karma, she takes too long."

"Koo," he stops pacing as I call out to him and crawls back onto the couch pulling me close.

"Fine, Av. I'll leave him alone, but if he shows up, it's on sight, I swear," he mumbles and I nod letting his warm embrace soothe me.

"What are you going to do, Av?" I pull away from him and look up into his eyes.

"Can I stay here for a little just till I get a new apartment?" I ask sheepishly.

"Is that even a real question? I've been trying to get you to be my roommate for years!" he flashes me his bright bunny smile and I offer him a weak one back.

"But what are you gonna do while I'm gone? You know I'm leaving for a few weeks for work..." his voice trails off and he looks nervous.

"I'll be fine, Kookie. I've got some vacation time saved up, I'll call it in and try to figure out my next steps," I shrug my shoulders and he looks at me skeptically.

"I can't leave you here on your own, Av."

"Why not?"

"Cause what if he comes here? Or like what if you..." I make eye contact with him and his throat clears.

"Like your mom," he says quietly almost scared to voice his concerns.

"I'm not like her. I'll be fine," I say annoyed that he would compare me to her.

"I'm not saying you are, it's just...I'd feel better if you weren't alone, just in case." I heave out a breath.

"I don't have anyone else that I can stay with, Kook. Just you."

"What about a Jimin?" I glare at him and he holds his hands up defensively.

"He misses you, Av. I don't know why ya'll fought, but he cares for you. Let him come to check up on you, please," he pleads with me.

"Just to ease my nerves, you know. I won't be okay if you don't."

I know he's looking out for me, but I'm not ready to admit Jimin was right. Afraid of what he might say to me for what happened last time. But as Kookie stares at me, pleading for me not to stay alone, I begrudgingly agree and he quickly hugs me again.

"I get the good blanket tho," I say sternly.

"Anything you want, ugly! Things will be okay," he says before going upstairs to grab the blanket.

By the time we've called it a night, I'm still trying to assure Kookie I'm okay. He's told me a million times already if I need something, to just wake him up. He gives me another worried look but finally goes off into his room.

I strip down, grab a pair of pajamas out of my suit case and slide them on before I get in the cold bed. I lay there staring up at the ceiling praying for sleep, but all I'm met with is the memory of them in bed and all the red flags I've missed.

I no longer have any tears to shed, I've managed to cry them all out, but I feel so sad as I lie here remembering everything. So sad and hurt that this is how things ended. I turn on my side and whimper in pain as I wait for the sweet oblivion of sleep to grab me.

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