Spring Day

🌼 24

My phone rings just as I'm about to head out of the house and I groan in frustration. Everyone and their mom has called my phone today.

First, it was my job stressing that I needed to be in tomorrow even though it was Saturday and my day off, they had messed up some paperwork for a new client and needed me in to find the error and fix it.

Then my mother called with her usual chit-chat and hinting about me finding a nice girl and settling down. I already know a nice girl, but would never end up that way so I wasn't looking in the slightest right now. But I could never tell mom that, so I was forced to listen to her before I finally had to leave and now my mood has set into terrible annoyance as I see who has decided to call me.

"Now you want to talk?" I answer the phone unable to keep my tone in check.

"Mhm, right. So, I know you're going to see my girl today. I just wanted to warn you not to say anything, Jiminie."

"This is why you called? Fuck right off, Tae. If you didn't want her to know, you shouldn't have done it."

"I've stopped it all and it won't happen again, just drop it and let us be happy. You're only doing this thinking you'll have a chance with her but, trust me, you won't. She'll never look at you like that, Jimin."

"I love her, it doesn't matter that she doesn't feel the same, I'm not looking for a chance."

"Whatever you say, Jimin. Just know that I'll be okay, but things aren't going to work out the way you want if you say anything."

He hangs up the phone before I can even reply and let out a frustrated yell.

Who the fuck does he think he is? Acting like I want to tell her for my own selfish reasons.

My blood is boiling mind racing as I pace in front of the door, letting the convo replay in my head as my anger rises. My body is trembling and I don't know what to do with myself. Before I've even thought the whole thing through, I've punched a hole into the drywall, bruising and scraping my knuckles. My phone dings pulling me out of my thoughts and I see Viv's name on my phone.

Fuck, I need to go meet up with her.

I quickly reply saying I'll be there soon before going to clean up my hand as best as I can. My stomach feels like it's in my throat as I drive to the restaurant to see her.

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I think I'm having a heart attack.

This lunch has been awkward from the start. When I showed up she was already at a table looking nervous and her fidgeting was a dead giveaway that something serious was on her mind. She didn't get up when I approached and when I leaned down to give her a hug she didn't reciprocate and instead offered me a weak smile.

The whole meal I tried to chit chat to ease her nerves before just throwing what I needed to tell her onto the table, but she never relaxed, the atmosphere stayed tense. I finally begged her to tell me what was wrong and it took her a few moments before she mustered the courage to ask me something I wasn't ready for.

"Jimin...do you, um...do you love me?" she asked and kept eye contact with me trying to gauge my reaction.

I tried to keep my face schooled into a natural expression, but I don't know how well I'm doing. Internally I'm panicking. It hurts to draw in-breaths and my heart feels like it will jump right out of my chest and die right here on the table.

The longer I take to answer, the more worried she looks. I know Tae's put it into her mind and this is why he thought he was safe. If he thought I would back down, he's wrong, the cat's out of the bag. I just need to be honest.

"I do love you, you know that," I say with my false bravado. She nods her head, but I can already tell she's not going to leave it at that.

"Are you in love with me?" she puts an emphasis on the word in and I know that she's going to be upset with my answer.

"Uh well describe in love..." I hesitate not ready to answer yet.

"Don't play coy, Park Jimin, you know what I'm asking," she rests her hands flat on the table, patiently waiting for an answer as she holds my gaze.

I feel like I'm sweating bullets, rubbing my clammy hands on my jeans I take a deep breath and just say the truth I've always held in my heart.

"I have been in love with you since that day you walked up and sat right beside me in the cafeteria," she frowns and I can see the pity in her eyes.

"Jimin, why didn't you say anything?"

"We were kids and I was leaving...I needed to get myself together before I came back and said anything to you," it's like a light bulb has gone off in her head and the pity quickly turns to worry.

"So you have been planning this? Coming back for me?" she questions, but by her tone, I can tell she doesn't sound happy about the thought.

"Not in the creepy way you're making it sound like, Viv. You're still the amazing girl I knew long ago, but a lot of time has passed between us..." I reach out and squeeze the hand she has resting on the table.

"I think we should go back to how we were. I don't want to give you any false hope, Jimin. I care about you, and I just, I-" she's rambling and her eyes are filled with agony. I quickly rush to interrupt her.

"Viv, calm down. I still think you're great, but it's been years. I don't know you the same as I used to, you have changed and so have I. Yes, I love you, but I'm no longer IN love with you," her shoulders visibly relax and I feel her give my hand a small squeeze.

"Jimin, I love you, but just as a friend," her voice is low and she still looks nervous.

"I know, I love you as a friend also, Viv. You're my best friend," I give her a genuine smile trying to soothe her worry. I don't have it in my heart to upset her anymore.

All I can do is hope Tae isn't lying and has stopped all his extracurricular activities and treats her right.

"Don't tell Kookie that, he'll be offended," she laughs also trying to ease the tension.

"He's just the biggest baby, I know."

"You're telling me! I have to go buy him pizza tonight cause I upset him, we are going to this place do you wanna come tonight around 6?" she hands me her phone showing the menu of the restaurant they are going to.

I take her phone looking at the restaurant she has pulled up, "sure I'll meet you guys there."

We grow quiet again and can tell something else is still on her brain. "What else is bothering you?"

She shakes her head mumbling under her breath, "nothing it's stupid."

"It's not stupid if your dwelling on it. I promise, Viv, I didn't come back looking for anything other than friendship. I had a rough break up and nothing sounded better than the comfort of home and my best friends," I try and defend myself.

"It's not that, Jimin, I believe you. It's just that...there's not anything else you need to tell me? Is there?" I stiffen but quickly recover my composure.

"No nothing," I lie and feel the guilt already eating me away.

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