No Authority [Alexis McMahon]

[32]- Starting Wars

Dolph.

I told Dolph I was considering to give him a second chance if he earns it and now I'm dreaming of someone else, what does that mean? I don't wanna use Dolph, and i don't wanna play with either of them, that's just cruel. At smackdown Dean basically admitted he wanted to kiss,and now i dreamed kissing him. But seeing Dolph like that didn't feel good either, he looked so hurt and torn, i don't want to see him like that ever.

What do I do?

//Alex//

For the past few days I have been talking back and forth with Dolph, well he was talking to me. He did promise he was going to be better this time but I'm still not sure if i can trust it, because not only did he embarrass me and publicly berate me he also laughed in my face without a care in the world.

It doesn't bother me as much now but it is also something lingers in the back of my head when I see him. I haven't seen Dolph so I don't know how I would feel now especially with the dream i had a few days ago, spoiler it repeated every night since, Dean took the couch for those few days so i don't see him in the morning anymore which was good cause that became very hard to do. Seeing him just made me feel odd, like if i was happy but also guilty at the same time, and the only reason it feels that way is because of Dolph. I've told myself he's just messing around but he didn't seem like the cocky, over confident asshole in that moment. He didn't look that way at all, he seemed serious and not like his shield face, he seemed genuinely serious about that statement. I've also been thinking about if I would've kissed him if their theme didn't play and he had to go. Would I? I felt guilty having that dream and thinking about Dean when I know Dolph is trying his best to talk to me and call me when he gets the chance, he's also been public about his feeling too, since a fan asked if he had liked me after people saw him liking multiple of my Instagram posts to which he happily replied that he did also complimenting me in the comments, I haven't replied to any with an actual word more of just a smiling emoji, but would an emoji do so much to someone, I don't want to lead him on, that's for sure. One thing I am fully sure about  is that I need to fix this sickening brain i have and get my shit together or else someone is gonna get hurt.

Well as that is my mental state, right now. Onto my physical state, right now, I'm on my way to go visit Dr. Chris Amann, who i owe an apology to since I sort of scared and threatened him a few weeks ago.

While walking someone came up next to me, I look to my right seeing Dolph there.

"Hey where ya goin'?" He asks.

"Trainers room I wanna see if I can get cleared." I reply. "Also to apologize, I may have threatened him."

"And is my fault I contributed to your attack didn't I?" He says with a sorrowful face.

"No, no you didn't cause anything, steph and I had our issues for years, i guess it's like a battle for my dad's love or just we never cliqued."

Steph and I even though I'm her child we had sort of close yet awkward relationship, we'd be buddies one day and then the next was distance, we needed a specific topic to talk about or else we'd be in awkward silence. So essentially there were the good times where we were like sisters and the weird times it felt like we didn't know eachother, that's where the friction comes in and we butt heads, I'd want to know why we couldn't just be close like sisters all the time, but she never had an answer and me being stubborn would press until she blows up which ends in arguments, it happened mostly when I turned 15, got my first boyfriend and stuff, the regular rebellion teen. And then when we broke up it was a whole other story of arguments and yelling and screaming, especiallywith my partying and just overall ruining myself. Dad even cut me from training unless i get my shit together, that is until I focused on my studies and became the straight A student who just wanted my mother's approval. I got my training back but never my mother's approval.