MY FOREVER

Rosy pov- chapter 26

From how poorly you treated me today i was hoping to hate you right now but that's the only part of my heart you failed to infiltrate. I know I know I know we never had a label beyond friends but you can't deny it, the feelings were there and you encouraged them . Or was it all in my head . Did I imagine the look in your eyes to justify the feelings growing in my heart? Maybe all this time it was one sided and all your reciprocations were a figment of my imagination.

I sat still in my sliver gown near the window of my hotel room and watched as the trees swayed in the night's breeze. The room's light was switched off and the only light source was the illumination of the moon through the window. I had a cup of hot steaming tea in my hand that I occasionally seeped .My phone had long been switched off and I was just focusing on calming down. I was not crying at all infact i was very calm. I just stared into the perpetual backdrop through the window.

I should be angry at you, but I'm more angry at myself because the fool in me considered forgiving you before I could even get angry at you. I'm finding fault in myself to justify your actions. You lack so much respect for me that you saw me as a perfect pawn for your selfish desires? I was unknowingly the other woman.

That is why I always felt like I was in the dark about something. Why you were never fully open to me. Yes you were attracted to me but may be that's as far as your feelings go for me. You were always puzzling to me. Today that puzzle was finally solved and the picture is as clear as day. The reason for that constant barrier is because you already have someone you love and adore. I saw it in your eyes today. A look that I'd never seen in your eyes before. That was the look I was secretly yearning to get from you and never got. Now I know it's because the look was never meant for me.

I don't know why you dragged me into so much emotional turmoil. Like all those years ago this feels like a rejection. This one being worse because this time you lead me on to believe that there's a possibility for a me and you together. At least last time you dashed my hopes as they surfaced , this time the hope grew roots and anchored itself in my heart and now I have to rip it out because it will never happen.

I don't have the name for the feelings I have for you Jack but all I know is that they are strong enough to create pain now that we're separating forever. I'm not denying the heaviness and the hurricane in my heart but you didn't break me. It is just sad that now you'll go from being someone I wanted to share my world with to a stranger.

Although this betrayal has stolen my joy for now I will surely find joy again with someone else who will be able to reciprocate my feelings. I repeat Jack I'm not angry at you, im no longer capable of being mad because I now know the reason why we can't be together. We can never be together ever. I'm very happy for you although I still don't know why my emotions will be the expense.

At least we had an amazing friendship Jack .How I wish you were honest with me from the very start. We could have had an innocent friendship with no entanglements. Now that's no longer possible, its become too messy, feelings are now involved. We can't return to that innocent friendship , I don't think I will be able to bare it.

Finally..... To be honest I don't know if I will be able to forgive you. I honestly don't know but i will try ,not for you but for me. I don't know how many days and nights it will take to erase these emotions or the memory of your touch. It will take ages and it will hurt like hell letting go, but I'll survive.

The tears I had been holding never escaped my eyes. They only made my eyes glisten but they never flowed. It's as if they are stuck in my eyes .I was not going to cry over him, he doesn't deserve my tears. I'm finally free from the clutches for his deceit .

I get up from my chair and put the cup on the table. I quickly change into my black sweat suit and black snikers. My bags were already packed and placed near the door. I was more than ready to leave. I've had enough of this place. After a while the bell boy I had requested came and helped with my bags.