Into madness of it all: Arcane Jinx x male reader

Darkness

You don't remember when it happened. All you remember is Ekko swimming into the water to save you. His hand reached out to you.
Poor kid. Considering how young he was at the time, he probably went under himself swimming you to safety.
You still feel the water in your lungs. You feel your breath shorten. You feel like you want to fight back, but your body doesn't move.
You see them again.
Mylo. Claggor. Vi. Vander. Powder.
"They're all gone.", You heard a sinister whisper echo throughout the darkness as you jumped up from your bed in a sweat, coughing and almost throwing up.

You looked around. It has been years since that night. The night where you lost your family.
"Hey.", Said Ekko, sitting at the door.
"Same nightmare?", He asked.
You simply smiled. "There are others?".

He had grown into a young man already. A leader of the Firelights. A true rebel leader. But damn, the kid is too serious for his own good sometimes. He brought you to what was at the time the foundation for the Firelights base.

He simply shook his head as you went to another room to take off your sleepwear and get your clothes on.
"So, what you up today?", He asked.
"Same as every day.", You responded.
"You know looking at the wall won't bring them back, right?"

You paused. The wall, upon it were the faces of those we lost. You went there every day for the past years as you grew up. Reminiscing. Trying to come to terms with everything that happened.

"Besides. I heard Lyse is looking for ya.", Ekko said, audibly smirking.
Lyse...
She looked so much like Vi. She had taken a liking to you, no matter how clear you were about the fact you weren't in your right mind.
You sighed audibly.

"You should give the girl a chance, you know? I mean, I don't get what she sees in a knucklehead like you, but there has to be something.", He teased from the entrance.

"Yeah. I wonder the same thing.", You said solemnly.
"Hey. I didn't mean to upset you. You just gotta start moving. Or you'll be stuck in the past", he said with honesty.
"Ekko. I've become a shell. A husk. I'm not the Y/N you once knew. I can't...forget them. I just can't."
"You don't need to forget them. Just don't remain stuck to the ghosts of the past."
With that, he walked out of the door.

You look down in the sink. As you look up in the mirror, you see each and everyone of them behind you.
Powder, beaten and bruised.
Mylo, with a pipe stuck through his chest.
Claggor, a hole in his head.
Vi, bloodied and broken.
You sigh heavily.
"Hey guys. Good to see you again. You guys really like saying good morning, don't you?", You smile weakly as you say this.

You finish up and turn around, to see they aren't there.
"Figures.", You said.
Walking down to the level ground, you see firelights practicing their combat and their hoverboarding.
The place was as beautiful as ever.
You walk up to the wall where you saw all of their faces.
Your heart raced with each step growing heavier and heavier with each step.
At one point you couldn't take a single step anymore.
The guilt, the sadness all became too much.
You took a seat, just like everyday and just looked upon their faces.

"There you are!"
You sighed.
Lyse sat next to you, her energetic body languange bubbling over to your side.
"Hey, Lyse."
She seemed to calm down as she scooted closer.
"Looking at the wall again today?"
"Yeah.", You replied sadly.
You shared a moment of silence as she looked upon the wall herself.
"Look, uhm... I just wanted to talk to you.", She started.
"So I've heard. What's up?", You ask, attempting a fake smile to keep the spirits of the conversation up.
"You always sit here. In front of the wall. And you're always looking so...melancholic. i just feel like I want to help. To mean something to you, to help you move forward."
You saw the blush on her face. But as you did your vision distorted, showing a wounded Vi. You looked down upon your legs.
"I just want to see the real Y/N. I want to meet you. Get to know you."
She leaned onto your shoulder.
"You can't always be a mr. Grumpypants after all.", She joked.
You smiled.
"I used to have the jokes. Gouged a guys eyes out saying it was nice to 'see' him.", You replied. She giggled.
"People just keep telling me to move. To look forward. But without them...without my family.",
You looked back at the wall.
"I just don't know how."

Lyse put her hand on yours as you looked back at her.
"Maybe with a new family?"
As she finished her sentence, you felt guilt build up again. Your vision distorted again, revealing a bruised and bloodied Powder crying. An angry Vi, bloodied and battered lunging towards you.
You pulled your hand back as your breathing all of a sudden was far more heavier than you remembered.
"I-I'm sorry...", She started.
"No. No, no, no, it isn't you it's just..."
You tried to look for the words before you settled back next to her.
"I can still see them. Hear them. So vividly. But they always look bloodied and bruised. Hurt. Because they're gone. I don't even know what they did to Powder. They just...they just..."
You couldn't end that sentence. Instead you just stood up.
"I'm broken, Lyse. I'm simply no good."
With that you walked away, but Lyse caught up.
"You're not broken. You're just...grieving. Ecen after all this time it hurts. I know. You'll get there one day."
She put a hand on yours.
"And I'll be waiting for you when you do."
She quickly pecked your cheek as she walked away. You touched your cheek, unsure about what just happened.

Maybe Ekko was right. Maybe you needed to look to the future.
'You'll just fail them again.', it sounded in your mind.
You walked into your room.
'She'll die. Just like everyone else.', it echoed within your head.
"Shut up!!", You yelled as you turned.
You were met by your mirror where you didn't see your own reflection.
You just saw Powder. Blood everywhere. Cuts. Bruises.
'You failed.'
You grabbed your head, trying to stop it.
'Failure. Screw up. You didn't save us. Didn't save anyone'.
You yelled as you punched the mirror, shattering it into thousands of pieces.
You looked at your own bloodied hand in terror.
The guilt never left.