Living in ignorance is the biggest curse a human can have , knowledge is a blessing , even if it drives you down the hills , it's always better for you to know , or at least so Jay believed
Even after he remembered what his curiosity and knowledge caused , he couldn't regret it , he still believed his knowledge was power , was a treasure that took 4 years of his life to reunit with .
Maybe that's what he regrets , his 3 years without his home, his 4 years off suffering, but he can't regret the knowledge he has , nor the memories he made , nor the lessons he learned , Jay was reasonable, way too reasonable sometimes
Knowing life is coming again on track , everything falling to it's place , a satisfied feeling was settling inside him , he was going back to his normal , giving up this life that , even if he respected it and appreciated having a chance to have it , he couldn't accept it, it always felt wrong , it wasn't his life , he never belonged here
Even with people he met , felt familiar with , they were never his people, even that small ball of sunshine , that smiled brighter than the sun , that held the stars in her eyes everytime she looked at Jay, even his first and only friend in this world , that he loved spending time with her more than anything else , even Ji eun, his small ji eun , he never belonged to her ,even ji eun that was the closest thing to a home he had here , wasn't his home, even if he wanted , he couldn't take her with him , she belonged here
(Play falling flower by seo hyun jin for extreme experience)
He smiled bitterly at the mirror , eyes tearing and cursing himself for asking , right after knowing she won't come , even though it was the most predictable scenario, he wanted to take her with him , to make her feel home , but the thing is , she never belonged to him, the same way he never belonged to her , she never belonged to anyone , she was an angel that gave up herself for him, he closed his eyes and whispered to himself "I pitty you" , he was sad , embarrassed and angry , but most of them all , he couldn't bare the guilt "I can't even make sure she'll be safe like she did with me "
Leaving all of this behind felt heavy, his steped slowly out of his appartement , holding nothing but memories he hopes it will never fade , dragging his feet and every last memory as he stepped out of the door , closing the door of a house that welcomed him for 4 years , never gave him the feeling of home , last thing he could catch glence of was the big window that has been his escape everytime his head was super loaded , he closed the door , closing the chapter of this world , it was his last time , he smiled at himself as he walked, after 4 years , and millions of times , he couldn't feel any attached to the place, he couldn't feel the slightest need to stay , it wasn't his home in the first place, never was , and never will
He walked his way , the only way he was familiar with , greeted evey tree , smiled at everyone who passed by him , he was saying goodbye to the city that held him tightly in her arms when he was lost , apologizing for never feeling the impartance of it
Arriving to the train station , Jay saw his one and only home , his friends were already waiting for him there, they all stood up facing a glowing door , Jay looked to his sides ,never felt this sure about any desicion he made , his eyes met Heeseung's, he felt the warmth of his hand wrap his cold hand "I'll hold your hand , and never let it go" , his heart was racing so fast , and his brain repeating one sentence "you did it for them, it was worth it" and , all of them, in one synchronized move , steped forward , getting inside the door one by one , feeling releived they're back to what they have always wished for
They all stepped in a whole white place, blindly shiny, with no slight detail , they heard a voice talking to them , the youngers hearts stopped of fear , just to be calmed by sunghoon who reminded them it's for them to choose whether forget or not
A door opened in the white space , revealing the other side of the train station, in another world , Jay looked behind , maybe he'll find something to make him stay, he was quite disappointed nothing moved him enough to make him attached to that place , how easy letting go was , but all he saw was emptimess , the white cold space there , even the door they came from wasn't there , he thought "it's the end , there's no turning back now" , Ji eun came to his mind as he felt bad , he couldn't even say goodbye
He felt someone tapping his shoulder, no other than Sunghoon , who just smiled at him warmly , as if he saw through him , he pulled him by the shoulder to a one sided hug , walking him to the door , not allowing to look back
"Heeseung is already there" he smiled , looking at the door , he was right , all he needed was behind that door , he shouldn't look back , if a decision is made , a person should stand behind it
Jay felt the noises growing more and more as he stepped out of the whitness , he exchanged smile with Sunghoon who was already puzzled where did the others go , they looked at the familiar crowd in front of them, they arrived safely, finally in the same world, as both of them existed in it , both were seen , Jay couldn't hide his smile as he bumped into people, Sunghoon is sure Jay did it on purpose the last 3 times before they found their way to the others , just to feel involved
He felt the warmth leave him again, as Sunghoon took his hand off his shoulder , walking towards the group who was already outside the staion , and stopped after few steps to looks back at Jay "she'll always be with you Jay, don't feel guilty , it was a choice" . Usually Jay would argue and deny it but he couldn't, maybe because sunghoon has already left , or maybe because Jay needed that reasurance to move on with his life , he felt a hand sneak into his , when he looked down , his hand was locked in Heeseung's, he smiled at the cheesiness of the moment , rolled his eyes and proceeded to walk " I promised I'll hold your hand , in front of everyone" Heeseung followed his steps rythm, tightening his hold on Jay's hand , smile couldn't be wider , he finally was home , with his home person
(You can take this as an end , next chap is for pure pain purposes)
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YOU ARE READING
DISCONNECTED ENHYPEN
Romance|-COMPLETED-| Watching the life you wanted , in front of you ,but not being able to have it It must hurt . Unless your feelings are .。。。 disconnected
