DISCONNECTED ENHYPEN

I won't leave him

I woke up in my bed , tired and drained out of energy , Ji eun and niki were in the kitchen , niki was ugly crying and she was trying to comfort him , they looked so close , niki was laying his head on her shoulder crying and she was brushing his hair slowly with her hand , not caring about his constant shaking , unstable breathing or loud sobs , mumbling some words I assumed were comforting words , but niki didn't seem to get better , he cried more and more and blamed himself,  it ached me looking at him like that , so I stepped in the kitchen , collecting every tiny bit of energy , faking a dead smile , I leaned on the door and looked at them

-"Am I interrupting something ?" I teased , trying my best to sound less exhausted,  to actually make a sound

-"You're awake !" Niki stood up real fast and dragged me by my hand to sit to the table with them , ji eun looked straight into my eyes , she knew it all

-"How far do you remember ?"  She said calmly, I could sense sadness in her voice

-"Not much , I have blurry images of everything " I replied , confused , while resting niki's head on my shoulder , sitting right in front of ji eun

-"You had dreams didn't you , not only today , you dreamt of things ... and you hid it " she sounded disappointed

-"I did , but ... I never remember them " I was struggling to make my voice heard

Ji eun looked at me in understatement , placed her hand right on top of mine , squeezed them and gave me a smile , Somehow I felt things could be fine, I smiled back at her , looked straight in her eyes , i saw her pupil expand , and as if it's a black screen , my dreams were replayed there , I couldn't break the eye contact even when I wanted , I kept looking in her eyes watching my dream

I was on the rooftop of a building , an extremely high building , reading a book about astrology,  sitting on the edge and looking at the sky to match what I'm reading , my phone rang, I picked up the call and heard in the very next moment an explosion noise , I looked around and it was the building I was on top of , all blown down , dead human bodies everywhere,  and among them were my friends , covered in blood and dirt, asking for help , I reached my hand but couldn't help them , they disappeared , and I just sat there , in the blown up place , an ice cream bag laying next to me , I was in the hospital next, everyone moving so fast my friends were in a room , not moving , not waking up , doctors getting in and out , time passed and they didn't get any better, the phone rang again , I picked up and heard a monitor device's sound , someone just ... died . Now I'm in a dark place , a voice is talking to me and I can't understand what's happening,  and all of a sudden everything went back to normal , we were having a fun meal all together,  they were all happy and healthy , my phone rang again, and I was on top of the building,  I stood on the edge , looked down , and jumped

I snapped out of my dream , looked at ji eun terrified and begged with my eyes to explain , she smiled , in pain ? And tried to sound as confident as she could , tears in her eyes didn't really help

-"This wasn't a dream jay , it ... it all happened in the past "

-"But how ... why !" I said in disbelief

-"Don't try to remember, please " niki mumbled,  his head still on my shoulder

-"You knew too much , Jay, You knew things you shouldn't have known , and it all gotten worse and worse , your friends got involved , It wasn't supposed to happen " Ji eun said , her voice unstable , she was on the edge of crying !

-"How do you know all of this" I asked suspiciously , looked again at her and didn't need an answer "It was you right ?"

She just nodded , squeezed my hand and I saw all what happened in details , I felt niki's hands shaking me aggressively to wake me up , He yelled at Ji eun and tried his best to stop it , she let go of my hand , I stood up shocked , could hear them arguing, someone was knocking the door , I walked slowly there, whoever was behind that door , they were loosing their shit , It got more aggressive woth every step I take , I breathed in and opened the door , my eyes that were feelibg heavy started watering, I sniffled looking at the man standing right in front of me , Heeseung was here

I hugged him so tightly,  he looked terrified,  patted my back and tried to stop me from crying , I wanted to do it too but I couldn't,  It was all too much for me to know all at once

-"I ... I hurt you " I spoke between my sobs , feeling my heart tear apart at the thought of me being the reason of their suffering

-"No you didn't ! You saved us , protected us , you didn't hurt us " he replied , panicking,  can feel him about to cry

-"I caused you to go through all that pain , and left you behind , You're my soulmate ! AND i left you , it must've hurt so bad !"

-"You would never hurt me , jay !" He said so gently,  he believed in me

-"I am so sorry , I know it must've hurt , you tried to reach out to me , I never knew you, I can't imagine the pain you went through !"

-"I can bare all pain for you " he smiled "I could see you sometimes , hear your voice and feel your presence , It was more than enough for me "

-"I wouldn't hurt you this way if I knew , I made you suffer , all of you !" I lost my energy,  fell on the ground and kept crying while Heeseung wrapped his arms around me " I really did this to protect you , I never hoped for anything to harm you "

-"It's okay , It's all okay , no one blames you,  you saved our lives"  he was whispering to my ear, trying to calm me dow

-"I risked your life , our lives when I left without you !" I cried more , the guilt was killing me "I wouldn't live if you weren't this strong ! I wouldn't forgive myself if anything happened to you !"

-" Jay ... jay look at me " He shook me trying to make me look in his eyes "I'm fine, I'm alive thank to you , I have to be strong for you " he smiled at me with tears running down his face

-"I'm sorry I made you cry "

-"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you needed to "

Ji eun showed up , spoke coldly to heeseung ordering him to get up , to leave me , he didn't,  he was holding me so close I felt I could get into his rib cage , I myself was holding to his clothes not able to let go of him , they yelled at eachother ,she wanted him to leave , but he didn't

-"I have been following your and sunghoon's orders all this time , look at him now ! Look how you made him become " he yelled so loud at her " I am not leaving him, not this time "

-"Let him stay , I need him" I looked at her , and she softened

Things were happening , I was completely out of it , Ji eun didn't like heeseung being around , Niki wasn't feeling it either , but heeseung kept ignoring their looks and comforting me , he explained that he saw me hovering around with my car and felt things will go wrong when I start finding out , he managed to get rid of sunghoon and jake and sneaked here , He knew I'll need him by my side when I discover all of this

We sat all together , staring into eachother , I was zoning out most of the time , missed most of the conversation,  I couldn't stop thinking about a way to end all this and go back to normal

-"Jay , don't think you will save us , we're safe , you don't have to do anything " heeseung put his hand on my shoulder , making sure I was listening

-"I won't " I said faintly , it is obviously a lie , I can't stand still

-"The voice will come back again when he knows jay remembers now , he'll come after him , you shouldn't let him stay alone , I'll do my best to find a solution " Ji eun grabbed my hand and squeezed it "I'll make sure you're safe this time" and she vanished off the room

I opened my eyes so wide , both niki and Heeseung smiled at me , knowing I'm shocked at this "you'll get used to her showing up and vanishing all the time "

We kept eachother's company , spoke and tried to ignore the current situation,  it wasn't going so smoothly , or well , we had a dark cloud over our heads , No one could keep the matter off his mind

I COULDN'T AT ALL